20 Leaf Blower Pick-Up Lines

Guy using leaf blower
Credit: Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images

The last thing you want is for your sex life to suffer because you have a seasonal job in leaf management. But how are you supposed to impress women when you’re sporting a loud blower backpack that’s filled with gasoline? Use your words! You might have to yell them over an idling motor, but these leaf blower pick-up lines are sure to work that humming Husqvarna to your advantage.

1. “You look beautiful on the leafless lawn that I created using power tools.”

2. “Does it frighten you that I control the winds, like a god?”

3. “With great power comes great responsibility. That is why I choose not to Marilyn Monroe your skirt. I’m a gentleman.”

4. “These hearing protection muffs remind me of my time in the studio with Aerosmith.”

5. “Here, let me blow that eyelash out of your eye, at point blank range.”

6. “Excuse me, is this pine cone bothering you? Do you need me to blow it straight to hell?”

7. “How about we head back to my place and see if we can’t void this leaf blower’s warranty?”

8. “Do you like men who take grooming seriously?”

9. “I can remove a woman’s bra with a shredder vac. Just sayin’.”

10. “I don’t need to give you my number. Just follow the noise pollution.”

11. “I wear this leaf blower so I can blow you 270 mph kisses.”

12. “Work it. Work that twigless sidewalk.”

13. “Sure, it’s bad for the environment, but what’s the point of saving the planet if we’re apart?”

14. “What? You have a boyfriend? I certainly hope he isn’t engulfed by a dust cloud.”

15. “I have a four-stroke engine. What’s your blowing capacity?”

16. “My other leaf blower is a hovercraft.”

17. “I have access to an entire shed full of landscaping gizmos. Have you ever seen a telescoping garden hoe?”

18. “There’s a leaf in your hair. Let me destroy it.”

19. “I know what you’re thinking, and no, I don’t wear this during sex, but I do leave it idling in the corner, for the carbon monoxide buzz.”

20. “Didn’t I blow you earlier in the day, or was that a radiant leaf pile at sunrise?”

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Will Garre (@wgarre) is a comedian and writer in New York City.