All Photos By Colin Douglas Gray
Halloween for men is a lot like MMA. It’s fun to watch, but not as much fun to participate. If you’re a guy in a relationship, you’ll be forced to throw on some cheesy costume your girlfriend planned where the two of you are Adam and Eve or something. If you’re single, you probably don’t even think about Halloween until the last minute. And this is where we come in and save the day. The following is a list of costumes you can put together instantly with crap laying around the house or some junk they sell at the Dollar Store. Enjoy yourself and Happy Halloween!
The Guy Who Still Makes Mix Tapes For Girls
This is a throwback costume bound to get some attention. All you have to do is ask your dad or older brother for their old cassettes. Bonus points if you can find a boombox to go along with your costume.
Materials: Cassette tape with handwritten liner notes, cheap sunglasses, boombox (optional but awesome)
Guy Looking For A Keg Party
Still got those cups laying around from last weekend? Boom. You got yourself a costume, friend.
Materials: Pack of Solo cups, the tenacity to ask everyone, “Where’s the keg?”
’80s Party Animal Accountant
Totally, for sure! The ’80s were a wild decade no matter who you were or what you did for a living. Find your calculator and get ready to get bodacious.
Materials: Large calculator, rolled dollar bill, cheap sunglasses, cigarette
Dollar Store Wolverine
What guy doesn’t want to be more like Wolverine? A badass loner whose body heals instantly (but not his heart). Now you can be him for the cost of a cup of coffee (a fancy Starbucks coffee). Instant Wolverine! SNIKT!
Materials: Tin foil, plastic knives, tape, mascara to draw on mutton chops, a stank-ass wifebeater
Everyone loves a good pun when it comes to a Halloween costume. This one speaks for itself and you might even score a few dates as a result. The best part is all you need to do is strip down to your drawers and pretend like this costume wasn’t as desperate as actually being on OK Cupid.
Materials: Underwear, toy bow and arrow, wings from a cheap fairy or angel costume, Sharpie to draw on “OK,” handcuffs and cigarette optional
The classic film “Edward Scissorhands” gets the Guy Code treatment for Halloween. First, walk into your kitchen and find two ladles. Next, party the night away as you dish booze and candy into your face. Happy Halloween!
Materials: Two ladles, long sleeves
Guy Looking For A Store That Buys Back Used CDs
Finally, a reason to use all those CDs you “accidentally” bought when you were hammered during Spring Break in Mexico.
Materials: Used CDs, facial expression of rejection (no store buys back CDs anymore, dude)
Forget about being a “sexy cat.” Grab a cat costume from the bargain bin and be a disgustingly weird feral cat that keeps eating garbage.
Materials: Crappy cat costume that your ex-girlfriend left at your apartment, garbage
Canned Meat Head
We know a thing or two about canned meat. Find your favorite and make it your Halloween costume. It’s quick and easy. Everyone loves a meat-head.
Materials: Canned meat, balance
Insane Yo-Yo Dude
You cannot escape Yo-Yo Man! He bought a bunch of sh*tty yo-yos at Party City and he’s coming for ya! AAAAHHHHHH!!!
Materials: Two packs of “Toy Story” yo-yos meant for children’s b-day parties
Guy Who Really Wants To Brush His Teeth With You!
Hey, what’s with this guy? He really, really LOVES brushing his teeth and he wants you to join in! Is he a dentist? Nope, just a man with a deep passion for dental hygiene.
Materials: Two toothbrushes, crazy eyes
Eyyyyy, fuhgeddaboutit! With this Tommy Tuna costume you’ll be one sharp gangster with killer levels of mercury for your enemies. The best part is you have an instant pick-up line: “Hey baby, how’d you like to sleep with the fishes? These tuna fishes!” Bada bing!
Materials: Cans of tuna fish, chest hair
Roommate Who LOVES Doing Dishes
Everyone wants a roommate who loves doing dishes, but those guys are nearly-impossible to find. All you have to do is find gloves and soap and suddenly you’re ol’ Davey Dishwasher, everyone’s perfect roommate.
Materials: Rubber gloves, dish soap, bowl, scrub brush, a smile
Emo Guy With A Bowl On His Head
What’s, like, this guy’s problem? Why so moody on Halloween? ‘Cause he’s emo, that’s why! (And he has a bowl on his head.)
Materials: Bowl, depression