6 Costumes That Improve Your Odds For Halloween Sex

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Credit: Ordercostumes.com

When you were younger, people wouldn’t give you Halloween candy unless you wore a costume. Now that you’re grown up, the ladies won’t hook up with you on Halloween for the same damn reason. Of course, some costumes will hurt your chances (like the one above, we’re guessing), but others can help you find that temporarily special lady. Here are a few suggestions to give you an edge on the competition.

1. Kissing Booth

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Credit: Global Village Vancouver

Get a big cardboard box and cut it into the shape of a booth that you can fit inside. You don’t have to paint the box, but make sure there’s a sign that says it’s a “Kissing Booth,” and specify how much it costs for a kiss. If you’re into not being an idiot, charge 25 cents or less so you’ll have customers.

2. Air Force Pilot

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Credit: Cakitches.com

Dressing like a jet jock is similar to dressing like a badass biker, except you don’t have to shell out $10K for a motorcycle. (Nobody expects you to bring a fighter jet to a party.) Also, if you dressed as a biker without a bike, you’d just look like you’re into some really heavy kink.

3. A Wrecking Ball

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Credit: RCA

Think about how many girls are going as Miley this year. You’re better off with this than going as Robin Thicke like every other guy.

4. Cullen Bohannon

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Credit: AMC

“Breaking Bad” costumes are played out, but Cullen Bohannon — the main character of AMC’s cowboy-builds-a-train show “Hell On Wheels” — is an underrated badass. He doesn’t dress like a cheesy cowboy, so you won’t have to look like one either. Bonus points for introducing girls to a great show they might not have seen yet.

5. Zombie Harry Styles

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Credit: Deviantart.com

First off, and we can’t stress this enough, girls want to get with zombies more than vampires in 2013. Second, any girl you know has a crush on this One Direction singer, so why not combine the two? You’re gonna want to go easy on the makeup, though. Keep the ratio closer to “heartthrob” than “brain-eater.”

6. President Obama

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Credit: pageslap.wordpress.com

Just don’t bore ladies with a long-winded discourse on economic policy in which you say the word “folks” 79 times.

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and editor of Pride Incredulous.