15 Horrible Excuses For When Your GF Catches You Watching Porn

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Photo via dailypicsandflicks.com

Guys are by no means the only people who watch porn on the Internet, but it’s probably safe to say that it’s mostly guys. If we were to ask girlfriends around the country if they assume their boyfriends watch it, we’re guessing most of them would say yes. Still, if you get caught (and your lady doesn’t share your hobby), you might end up in a tough situation — a few excuses could work, but just make sure that you don’t try any of these…

1. “I’m only watching it because the girl in the video looks like you. Well, not that girl, the one who’s still wearing part of her cop uniform.”

2. “Considering the types of porn I could be watching, you should be very happy right now.”

3. “If you get to look at your ex on Facebook, then I should get to look at my ex on adult websites.”

4. “Yep, the rumors are true. There’s porn on the Internet. Just trying to verify the stories I’ve heard.”

5. ”I only watch it for the pop-up ads.”

6. “A friend sent this to me because of the interior design in the video. Where do you think they got that dresser?”

7. “Joseph Gordon-Levitt watches it in ‘Don Jon,’ and you said that you think Joseph Gordon-Levitt is sexy.”

8. “I want to learn to paint the human form, but I can’t afford an art class with a live model.”

9. “The computers at work block these websites. Where else am I supposed to watch it?”

10. “I’ve been doing some research, and I think that if we make one of these, then we’ll get rich like Kim Kardashian.”

11. “I was trying to make dinner reservations online, and I just spiraled into an Internet vortex. That happens to everyone, right?”

12. “If you did porn, then I wouldn’t have to watch other people.”

13. “It’s only the third time I looked at it today, I swear!”

14. “I was actually searching for non-adult videos of pizza deliveries, but it doesn’t seem like those exist.”

15. “I only watch it because I’ve watched so much that I need it to get aroused…um, and you, too.”

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a comedian and writer in New York.