6 New Ways To Hide A Boner


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Tired of sitting in a chair because of that pesky erection? Got places to go and people to see, but your annoying boner keeps getting in the way? Here are some exciting new ways to hide a boner so you can get back to the boner-free life you deserve.

1. Carry A Briefcase

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Credit: Getty Images

No one will suspect you of hiding an engorged penis when you’re an important businessman with important business to conduct.

2. Use A Wheelchair


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When you have a boner, you’re supposed to stay sitting in a chair, right? Well, for the boner-having man on the go, this is an elegant solution. There are lots of great boner-hiding tips here, but this is the only one that will result in better parking spots and people being nicer to you, if you don’t mind destroying your karma.

3. Banana Farm Business Card

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Credit: Zazzle.com 

If someone notices your boner, politely give them your business card and tell them you’re a full-time employee at a local banana farm. Obviously, that’s just a banana in your pocket.

4. Wear Reflective Pants

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This way it looks like other people have boners! (Not technically how mirrors work, but a fun possibility for the future. Scientists, please work on this.)

5. Inner Tube

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Credit: Getty Images 

Wear an inner tube from a local water park. People won’t be able to see your stiff man-stick. They’ll also think you’re a really chill dude, so it’s a real win-win.

6. Always Be Holding A Painting


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Hold a framed piece of art, in the style of your choosing, right over your man-tenna. When people ask about the painting, say it’s something from your collection and you’re desperately trying to sell it. NOTE: Name a high price, because if someone buys it, they’ll see what’s on the museum wall, if you know what I mean. (What I mean is they’ll see your boner.)

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Zach Broussard (@ZachBroussard) is a comedian in New York City, and has had a boner this entire time.