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You don't need an advanced mathematics degree to succeed at fantasy football. Instead use our patented formula, which accounts for a player's ability to score on the field and off.
Eli Manning Vs. Brian Hoyer
Eli Manning and the New York Giants are off to an ugly 0-4 start. However, even the most hate-filled NFC East fan couldn't use "ugly" to describe Manning's smoking hot wife Abby McGrew (left). She is easily a 9, which coincidentally is the same number of INTs Eli has thrown this year. He gets a break going against the paper-thin Philadelphia Eagles defense this week, so chalk him up for 25 points, for a combined 34.
With bye weeks facing big-name QBs, week five may be the time to give Cleveland Browns QB Brian Hoyer a chance. In only two games, Hoyer has already put up 48 fantasy points and looks to add to that number Thursday night at home against the Bills. Hoyer may be a rookie when it comes to fantasy football, but he's a seasoned pro when it comes to fantasy babes, as he locked up a long-term deal when he married Lauren Scrivens (right). She is a 9.5 and Hoyer will have a breakout game with 26 points for a 35.5 combined score.
Winner: Brian Hoyer
Willis McGahee Vs. Darren McFadden
Are you reading a fantasy advice column with two Cleveland Browns? You're damn right you are, and Willis McGahee could be a solid play against the Buffalo Bills at home. With 63 career touchdowns and nine kids from eight different women, one thing is clear: Willis McGahee knows how to score. His latest babe, Marshevet Hooker (left), a track and field star, is a superb 9.0. Combine that with my McGahee prediction of 9.5, and you've got 18.5.
2012 was another disappointing year for Raiders running back Darren McFadden, with one notable exception: He reportedly got to hook up with Rhianna in Hawaii! McFadden's on the field efforts haven't been quite as pretty -- he's once again got an injured hamstring and will be limited against the Chargers this week. Rhianna is obviously a 10, but McFadden and his bum leg are worth a four at best, for a total of 14.
Winner: Willis McGahee