Credit: Universal via NextMovie
People always say that college is the best time for you to “experiment.” Usually they’re talking about sexual stuff, but there are a lot of other formative experiences that require some trial and error. Here are seven things you need to experiment with ASAP to make sure you have the best college years possible.
1. The Best Way To Cure Your Hangover
Why it’s important: So you can actually be a productive student in class (or so you can at least, you know, make it to class).
Safest bet: Sleep late, eat carbs, guzzle sports drinks and/or coconut water, and don’t look at your texts from the night before to avoid regret-induced vomiting.
2. The Most Reliable Excuses For Late Assignments
Why it’s important: So you can graduate. Duh.
Safest bet: The craziest, most outlandish excuses are usually the least believable ones, so it’s best to keep it simple and just ask for an extension. (Feel free to use our “Guaranteed Excused Absence Excuse.”) If that doesn’t work, no one will think you’re less of a man if you break out a sob story about how you had to take your sick kitten to the vet — use this on female teachers and you’re practically guaranteed an extension.
3. How Long To Sleep Before Going Out
Why it’s important: Naps are the saving graces of college — how else would you have enough energy to do all the crazy s**t you’re obligated to do on the weekends? The Saturday afternoon snooze is the mother of all naps, so it’s imperative that you experiment with how much time you need in-between watching football and hitting the bars to have optimal energy for the night.
Safest bet: Get enough sleep so that you feel well-rested, but not enough that you’re too tired to wake up. This usually means no more than a couple hours, and make sure to set an alarm so you’re not that idiot who wakes up at midnight and sleeps through all the fun.
4. How Much You Can Lift Without A Spotter
Why it’s important: So you can look like a beast without depending on a buddy. YOU ARE YOUR OWN MASTER.
Safest bet: Don’t try to be a hero right off the bat. Increase your weight slowly, by a couple pounds at a time, and go up from there.
5. The Most Cost-Effective Way To Drink
Why it’s important: You’re a poor/cheap college kid who needs to take your mind off how much debt you’ll be in once you graduate.
Safest bet: Sadly, your solution is probably Natty Light. Yeah, it’s s****y beer, but it’s easy to chug and you can buy better stuff once you’re out in the real world, making actual money. However, ordering shots of cheap well liquor isn’t worth the pain.
6. How Soundproof Your Walls Are
Why it’s important: Whether you live in a dorm or apartment, you inevitably have neighbors who may or may not throw a fit if you’re making too much noise from your late night, ahem, escapades. Avoid any drama by figuring out just how loud you can get without making any enemies.
Safest bet: Do a trial run with some music and listen from outside your door to hear how audible it is. Some noise is OK, but if it’s loud enough to wake someone up from a deep sleep, you may need to simma down (but hey, props to you, stud).
7. The Best “Drunk Food”
Why it’s important: Those 3 a.m. munchies are intense, so you’ll need some delicious noms to wash down the buckets of beer you’ve consumed.
Safest bet: Something high-cal, greasy, cheap and convenient to get whenever you want it (meaning something that’s open late and is either nearby or fast to deliver). Chances are you’ll regret eating too much in the morning, so if you can save half of it for the next day’s hangover cure, you’ll be your own hero.