It’s NFL Week 5 And Your Team Sucks. Now What?

Credit: Getty Images

Hang in there, Tampa Bay. We feel ya, Pittsburgh. Jacksonville, well, you knew you had it coming. And if your football team resides in the NFC East, what can we say except it could be worse? October is underway and things in the NFL are about to really shake out. Who is for real and who is not? As we look at the games for Week 5, we notice that some teams are shockingly terrible. If you happen to root for one of these teams, all hope is not lost. Here are some tips for still having fun this season.

Pick A Rival To Hate On

Football is fun. People wonder why we yell at the TV or get rowdy in bars after a touchdown. Part of it is because we’re rooting for our team, but part of it is we want our opponents to fail so miserably that the head coach looks like he’s gonna cry at his post-game conference. Here, you have the option to root against a team you DESPISE. Your team might suck, but you can still hope for the worst in another.

Pittsburgh Steelers v Minnesota Vikings
Credit: Getty Images

Find Another Team To Support

Disclaimer: Don’t become a frontrunner. Rooting for a team simply because they’re winning is some middle school sh*t. However, the NFL might be the only league where it’s OK to secretly root for another team doing well…especially if yours is playing like a pile of dead birds this season. Some trendy bandwagons for 2013: Seattle, Kansas City, Denver and New Orleans. Choose one and enjoy, but refrain from buying team gear.

Talk To Fans Of Teams That ALWAYS Stink

There’s always a bright side to your team stinking it up. Here, the silver lining is the NFL is constantly changing. It’s impossible to predict what happens each season, EXCEPT with a handful of teams. For example, it’s always a given the Jaguars, Browns, Raiders and Bills will be pretty bad. You think you’ve got troubles? Talk to fans of these teams and you might feel better about yourself. Oh, and we don’t like throwing stats around, but if you want to know just how bad these teams are, their combined record the past two years is a whopping 45 – 99.

Look Forward To Your High Draft Pick

Yep. Unless you’re a fan of one of the four teams mentioned above, there is something to look forward to: The 2014 Draft. A draft pick in football is a risk. The chances of finding a great player is as likely as the hot chick at work agreeing to come over after midnight. In other words, the odds are small, but there’s still a chance. Looking forward to the draft might help you get through the season and have a reason to believe next year will be better.

Start Reading Up On Basketball

It’s never too early to start boning up on hoops season. Remember the names Dwight Howard, Derrick Rose and Jason Kidd? Catch up on their sagas. Maybe you won’t be a part of many football conversations, but by the time the NBA rolls around, you’ll be a Yoda-level Jedi Master of the game.

Check Out A Hockey Game — They’re Fun. Promise.

Part of loving sports as much as we do is that they are unpredictable. We might not be as well-read on other leagues, but that doesn’t mean they’re not as exciting. Take the NHL. If you gave us a minute, we probably couldn’t name every team in time. BUT, offer us tickets to a game and WE ARE THERE. The hits are hard, the fans are nuts (no seriously, they are) and the action is fast. Take in a game as the 2013-14 season is already underway.


You officially lose all rights to trash-talking if your team is terrible. There is no argument here. You’ll be laughed out of the room and never invited to another Sunday hangout. Your friends don’t want to hear you chirping in the corner about one bad play their team might have made. If your team is downright horrible, shut your hole and keep your friends.

Believe In A Turnaround. It’s The NFL.

That’s right. We’ve already made it clear that sports are unpredictable. Anything can happen. Seriously…anything.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.