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If it were up to most guys, every day would be spent in a beer coma, covered in potato chips, as highlights from last season's Pro Bowl play on the TV. The problem is that guys want to get laid, so we must make some sacrifices. Here are things we would never expend any effort on, except to convince women that we're not the slobs we actually are.
1. Dressing Nice
There's a reason why cavemen wore loincloths on their hunts -- when girls aren't around, guys like to throw on the most comfortable thing possible. If girls were super attracted to sweatpants, that would be the most profitable industry on the planet. The problem is that girls like guys who actually take the time to look nice, and that's why suits were invented.
2. Eating In Fancy Restaurants
Ever see a plate of kale at a guys' night out? We don't think so -- more like buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks and jalapeño poppers. Guys like to eat s***ty food and lots of it. If it's greasy, it's good...and it probably isn't sold at a restaurant with a positive Yelp review. We're pretty sure the only reason restaurant reviews exist is so dudes know where to take girls to impress them. Otherwise, most dates would end the second a guy pulls into a drive-thru.
3. Making Money
You know what's crazy cheap? Beer. You know what isn't? Appletinis that we don't even drink. Most girls like nice things...and because of that, guys like nice things. A college degree is just a sheet of paper that screams, "I hope this gets me laid!"
4. Working Out
Muscles aren't really necessary, assuming you work sitting at a computer all day. Gyms are only popular because it's an industry based on making dudes more likely to get some. Plus there are girls in there in booty shorts, and that's pretty neat.
5. Having Manners
When was the last time you held the door open for your best friend and there wasn't a girl in sight? "Please" and "thank you" don't exist in the world of dudes. When guys are alone, we like to do one thing: Make fun of each other. It's hilarious and it's what guys do best. Unfortunately, that doesn't impress women at all.