What To Do If You Recognize Someone In Porn & More Dilemmas

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Miss Manners doesn’t field too many porno questions, so that leaves the dirty work to us. Porn is a massively popular product, yet fraught with tremendous social stigma. It lurks in the shadows, in the cleared search histories of our computers and in the scummier commercial centers of suburban sprawl, usually near a truck stop or under a bridge.

This generates an endless gray area of confusion when it comes to porn etiquette. Is it OK to forward tube site links? Is it cool to mail a DVD to your hard-up buddy, “Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants“-style? These are common questions, so let’s dig in.

I was watching a porno and an actress looked exactly like my friend’s sister/mom/girlfriend. Should I be like, “Hey dude, this porn star might be your sister/mom/girlfriend”?

Well, it depends. Is the resemblance uncanny? What about her speaking voice? Tattoos? If the actress in question looks a bit similar, but clearly isn’t the same person, then it’s OK to pass along a screenshot as a goof. But if you find yourself up at night, convinced that Claudio’s sister shot two scenes during spring break in Miami, then consider whether you really want to be the one who tips him off. Remember, the messenger is frequently shot, so invest in Kevlar first — or just let someone else figure it out and tell him.

My friends are always sending around links while we’re at work and some of them are pretty intense: Car crashes, snakes, drunk people falling off stuff. Can I ask them for porn recommendations, or is that weird?

So you’re looking to crowdsource your porn collection. Understandable. Everybody’s busy and we are all increasingly reliant upon the wisdom of crowds. However, porn is a highly personal and sensitive matter of taste — it’s not like telling a dude, “You have Netflix, right? You should really be watching ‘Orange Is The New Black.’” Only get recommendations from search algorithms, or online strangers if you must.

I have a friend who lives pretty much off the grid, no cable, no wireless, no nothing. But I think he has a DVD player. Can I send him my favorite adult DVD?

How thoughtful of you. And how old-fashioned. Might as well send him a pair of used bloomers and a naughty woodcut. Chances are your friend is doing just fine fending for himself, but who doesn’t like to get honest-to-goodness mail? Is there anything better than a care package? Well, maybe a care package complete with “Boner Jams ’13.” Wrap discreetly and use Media Mail. You’re a good pal.

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Mike McGrath (@marcomcgrath) never takes his own advice.