Back in the aughts, the Internet kept track of the most head-turningly dumb lawsuits each year with the Stella Awards, named after Stella Liebeck, who tried to sue McDonald's over its "too hot" coffee. Lawsuits can be a great way to help the powerless fight the powerful over serious wrongdoing, but some of the Stella Award winners embarrassed themselves and men everywhere with these frivolous cases...
1. Allen Ray Heckard
Heckard sued Michael Jordan for $416 million because they resembled each other, and "I want to be recognized as me, just like Michael's recognized as Michael." We recognize him as a dumbass. This guy actually was Like Mike, and he didn't even appreciate it.
2. Roy L. Pearson, Jr.
In 2007, Pearson sued a dry cleaner for $65 million over losing one pair of his pants. He picked that number because that's how long dinosaurs have been dead, obviously. In court, he cried during his testimony. The judge presiding over the case, a logical dude, awarded money to the dry cleaner instead. Don't cry unless you've actually been hurt.
3. Christopher Roller
Back in 2005, when magicians David Blaine and David Copperfield were still popular, Christopher Roller heroically sued them for "using Godly powers to defy the laws of physics." And if you're using those powers, you're stealing them from Roller, because he is God. No, no, that's actually what a lawyer let him sue the magicians for.
4. Robert Paul Rice
Facing up to 15 years in a Utah prison, Rice claimed his religion was "Druidic Vampire" and demanded conjugal visits with a "vampress," plus blood to drink for his "vampiric dietary needs." Not only did his lawsuit get thrown out, but the prison spokesman told reporters, "Without any question, we do not have conjugal visits in Utah."
5. Bob Craft a.k.a. "Jack Ass"
Back in 1997, this guy from Montana changed his legal name to "Jack Ass." In 2000, "Jackass" premiered on MTV, so Mr. Ass sued the network for $50 million. He filed it himself because no lawyer would take a case called "Jack Ass v. 'Jackass.'" We'd still encourage you to change your name to "Guy Code."
+ Watch "In Guy Code We Trust: The Guy Court Preview Special" tonight at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT on MTV2, and regular "Guy Court" episodes every Wednesday beginning November 6