Suicide Girls’ Burlesque Tour: A Sexier Date Than A Strip Club

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Credit: Suicide Girls

You might think it’s a fantastic idea to drag your girlfriend to a nudie bar — where she’ll obviously discover her inner bisexual and suggest a trip to Threesome City — but you’re doing it all wrong. Very few women consider strip clubs a romantic date spot, and none of them want to watch you get a $10 lap dance. Burlesque shows, however, are a different story. We asked Suicide Girls founder Missy Suicide to explain the differences and why your lady will enjoy “Blackheart Burlesque,” touring cross-country this fall.

A lot of women wouldn’t be caught dead in a “gentleman’s club,” but love watching burlesque dancers, who are nearly as naked. Why is that?

Burlesque is a sexy tease. It’s really compelling to watch if you’re a man or a woman. If there’s someone up there dancing beautifully and sexily, that appeals to men and women equally. A lot of women have never had that sort of experience where they’re captivated by the beauty and sexiness of the performers. It’s a performance that takes thought and hard work — the girls in the burlesque show are insanely talented dancers.

We worked f**kin’ hard to make this, with the choreography, the stage, the lighting, the props and music. It’s gonna be sexy, the sexiest thing you’re likely to see. And the pop-culture references make it intimately more relatable for men and women — there are just as many female “Game Of Thrones” fans as men.

What does “Game Of Thrones” burlesque entail?

It’s the Khaleesi dancing, set to modern music.

So, there’s no little person dancing sexily as Tyrion?

[Does not dignify this question with a response.]

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Credit: Suicide Girls

How did the nationwide tour come about?

When we put out the book (“Hard Girls, Soft Light“) last year, we did a book tour with a couple of the girls — turnout was insane, 500 to 700 people showing up in bookshops. We knew we could do something that would be a better experience for the fans than just signing a book.

We did a burlesque tour in 2002, 2003…we were the only ones doing old-fashioned burlesque shows on a larger scale. Now there’s a ton of really great burlesque: “Star Wars” burlesque, Quentin Tarantino burlesque, leather-panted AC/DC stripteases. Lady Gaga is putting on huge spectacle performances. We knew that we had to up our game to “wow” people these days. We really upped the sexiness and performance factor, and turned the volume up to 11.

How should a guy suggest going to see a burlesque show to his girlfriend?

I feel like more girlfriends are taking their boyfriends than boyfriends are dragging their girlfriends — it’s the perfect date performance, because it’s empowering, it’s sexy for the woman, it really sets the mood. The whole room has kind of a sexual tension. The guys are definitely going to enjoy the show — the girls are super-duper foxy; the dancing is way sexy.

What are faux pas guys should avoid at a burlesque show?

You should not say “look at her” to your girlfriend — don’t compare the dancers to the girlfriend, even in a complimentary way. Just leave that landmine undisturbed.

Guys probably shouldn’t throw one-dollar bills around, huh?

No tipping — don’t throw out money! No climbing up on stage. There are bouncers there.

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Credit: Suicide Girls

What’s the best way to compliment a burlesque dancer without making her uncomfortable?

If you compliment their dancing, that’s nice. “Wow, you’re so flexible” or “You’re so beautiful.” Those are safe things to say to anybody. When you get specific, that’s when you get creepy — like, “Your elbows are so sexy.” You can be specific about her shoes. No woman will ever be creeped out by compliments about her footwear.

There are male strippers — can guys make a living as burlesque dancers too?

Suicide Girls are all females, but if you’ve seen “America’s Got Talent,” Prince Poppycock is one of the guys.

Can couples try burlesque at home, like they might try a striptease?

That’s probably an easier to sell to most girlfriends than, “Hey, do a striptease for me.” She’s more likely to try a burlesque dance after she’s seen how enthralling it can be.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog