Credit: Steven Burr Williams
Drinking at a bar seems simple enough: Order a beer, drink that beer, talk to friends, maybe talk to girls...what could possibly go wrong? Amazingly, some guys just can't help but embarrass themselves (and everyone around them) with peculiar behaviors that just make them look like clowns.
1. Playing "Erotic Photo Hunt"
You know that weird bar-top video machine in the corner? Don't play that. Ever. It doesn't matter whether you can beat the high score, because you'll look like a total freak searching side-by-side nudes for minor discrepancies. Instead, start playing "person hunt" with real women at the bar -- it might even become erotic if you're slick enough.
2. Ordering A Drink That No Bartender Knows How To Make
Men can drink beer or bourbon or scotch or gin or rum or even wine if the time is right. We can drink cocktails like Old-Fashioneds and Sazeracs and Manhattans, and even the occasional margarita. What we can't order are cosmos, anything that ends with -tini (and doesn't start with Mar-), and certainly any drink that comes with whipped cream on top.
Even worse is confusing the bartender on purpose, just to impress him with your obscure beverage knowledge. The guy's busy, so don't waste his time. Stick to the classics.
3. Caring Too Much About Winning At Pool
...or darts or foosball. Those bar games are perfectly acceptable for nights when you're just relaxing with the boys over pitchers, of course, but getting too competitive will quickly kill the mood and make you look like a total whack-job. Don't snap a pool cue over your knee, and don't spike a dart into the wall, just because you lost a meaningless game that you'll have forgotten by morning.
4. Hogging The Photo Booth
Some bars nowadays have photo booths for some reason. Women have been known to drag us into them for an old-timey strip of pictures they'll cherish until the night is over. That's OK. What's not OK is going in there all by yourself. If you must snap a selfie, use your phone, you douche.
5. Hogging The Jukebox
Everyone likes to listen to some good tunes while getting their drink on. Whether a quarter jukebox or one of those pricy digital numbers, a guy can take a lot of pride in his selection...unless that selection is a double-album's worth of death metal. That doesn't mean you should pick girly songs, however -- a man should never return from the jukebox and "Don't Start Believin'" immediately starts to play.