Fantasy Football Picks & Chicks Week 3: Choosing Fantasy Starters By Their Ladies

NFL Picks And Chicks Week 3
Photo via TotalProSports.com

You don’t need an advanced mathematics degree to succeed at fantasy football. Instead use our patented formula, which accounts for a player’s ability to score on the field and off.

Philip Rivers vs. Alex Smith

Philip Rivers Wife Alex Smith WifePhotos via Rivers Of Hope & BleacherReport.com

Philip Rivers torched the Philadelphia Eagles for 35.9 fantasy points in week two, consistently hooking up with safety blanket tight end Antonio Gates. His wife Tiffany (left) has provided similar reliability off the field. The Titans defense will slow Rivers a little, but he’s still good for 24.5 points. Even as a mother of six, Tiffany’s still an 8.0, bringing their total to 32.5.

Alex Smith looked sharp against the Cowboys, racking up 26.2 points, surprising fantasy owners with the impressive use of his legs. “Impressive legs” is just one of the many compliments you could pay to his smoking hot wife Elizabeth Barry (right). With such a knockout, it’s no wonder that Smith is prone to concussions. Elizabeth scores a 9.5 and Smith will light up the Eagles for 32, bringing them in at 41.5.

Winner: Alex Smith

Knowshon Moreno vs. Giovani Bernard

Knowshon-Moreno-Girlfriend-Giovani-Bernard-2Girlfriend

Photos via Photobucket & HBO

Knowshon Moreno scored two TDs for 22.7 fantasy points as the Broncos routed the Giants on Sunday. He was last tied to Nikki Childs, a former U.S. Nationals gymnast whom even the stingiest Russian judge would give 9.5. Moreno will run wild against the Raiders for an impressive 25.5, bringing their couple total to 35.

Giovani Bernard had a breakout game against the Steelers Monday night, going for 18.5 fantasy points. Although it was his first big game, Bengals fans already knew he could score when they saw his girlfriend Chloe Call on HBO’s “Hard Knocks.” I’m going to make the “Call” right now: Chloe is a 10.0, plus she gets an extra bonus point for letting Bernard drive her mom’s minivan during training camp. Take her 11 and add it to Bernard’s expected 16.5, and you’ve got a nice 27.5.

Winner: Knowshon Moreno

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Sean Green is a comedian and die-hard NFL gambler. Get his picks @GamblingPodcast and hit him up if you need help with your fantasy football lineup.