How To Tell If She’s A Sports Fan Or Just Faking It

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Football season is upon is, which means weekly parties, bar crawls, tailgating and sharing binoculars with your boys in the nosebleed seats. Then there’s your girlfriend, who might not seem totally down for the cause. Here are some signs that she doesn’t really love sports — she just doesn’t want to be single.

1. She Miraculously Loves The Same Team As You

You: “Do you like sports?”
Her: “Yes!”
You: “What’s your favorite team?”
Her: “Um…what’s yours?”
You: “[Your team].”
Her: “Mine too!”

Yeah, if you had that conversation when you two started dating, she’s no fan. She’s Mrs. Me Too.

2. Her “Football Outfit” Is Color-Coordinated

If your girlfriend wears the “away” jersey at a home game — and her pants, shoes and purse all match it — then she doesn’t care about AstroTurf. She cares about “Project Runway.”

3. She Always Cooks While The Game’s On TV

Anyone who genuinely cares about the game does not want to be stuck in the kitchen, marinating chicken wings or “freshening up” the potato chip bowls, unless it’s a commercial break. If she’s a true sports fan, she won’t be hellbent on standing over her oven while the Super Bowl is happening.

4. She’s Eager To Do The Beer Run

No woman likes to head out to the liquor store alone — she just wants to get away from your slob friends.

5. Tailgating Takes Forever With Her

The charcoal isn’t really out, she wants one more hamburger and prefers it well-done, there are a few more cans of beer left to drink…if she’s giving you endless reasons to stay in the parking lot, it’s because she doesn’t actually want to be in the stadium.

6. She Never Asks To Join Your Fantasy Football Draft

…but asks how much money, exactly, you’re betting on it — because that’s cash you won’t be spending on her.

7. Her Instagram Is Filled With Everything But The Game

There are selfies of her in her jersey, and of you and her, and of her and beer. However, there’s not a single photo or video from the game. Yeah, she could care less if this were a chess match in a high school gymnasium.

8. She Pronounces Athletes’ Names Wrong

With her, it’s “Matt Flint,” not “Matt Flynn.” And if she refers to them as “the hot one,” “the fat one,” “the balding one” and “the kinda sexy one,” then she legitimately has no idea who these people are.

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Kathy Iandoli (@Kath3000) never has been a sports fan. She likes buffalo wings though.