The 5 Lamest Things People Brag About On Social Media

tumblr_mb6cy5ouR21rylhq2o1_500
Photo via Elite Daily

Sometimes it seems that the Internet solely exists so people can brag about themselves. Unfortunately, most people’s lives aren’t very exciting, which is why they need to stop using Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to boast about certain “achievements.”

1. They Ate Food

Most of us eat because our bodies require sustenance. However, some loathsome social media braggarts only eat because their egos require attention. Nobody cares where you dined, what you ordered, or how high-resolution your phone’s camera is.

2. They Went For A Jog

There’s only one person who deserves to brag about going running, and his name is Usain Bolt. Yet millions of people feel the need to post about getting off their asses for 20 minutes and causing a few beads of sweat to drip out their greasy pores. Guys tough enough for PX90 should be tough enough to resist taking selfies of their workouts.

3. They Went On Vacation

Most people love to travel, but only a select few love to rub it in their friends’ faces. They don’t actually “wish you were here,” because that’d ruin their feeling of superiority. Still, whether they’re in Tahiti or Timbuktu, they’re just dicking around on their phones all day like they do back home. Sounds like a fun getaway.

4. They Made Their Relationship “Official”

You might meet the love of your life on social media, but all your friends will hate you after having to scroll through all those cheesy engagement pics. Some repulsive couples even create unique hashtags for their nuptials. #lame

5. They Have A Baby

The reason they’re called “family photos,” not “everyone you know photos,” is because only your family cares about them. If you’re going to brag that your kid did something, at least make sure it isn’t something so kid-like — if he just spilled food on his face and sh*t in his diaper, instead of posting another status update on Facebook, how ’bout you go wipe his ass?

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.