Why Fall Is A Better Season For Guys Than Summer

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Sure, summer gets all the love — bikinis, BBQs, no school — but there are plenty of super awesome things about autumn. Here are the ways in which summer kicks fall right in its neon shorts…

1. Football

The start of football season might as well be a national holiday. After the NBA Finals, the summer is nothing but two months of sweating your balls off and convincing yourself that the baseball regular season is actually a thing (it isn’t). Once the leaves change, though, it’s time for the weekly tradition of eating, drinking and screaming like an animal. And packing on a sweet gut, ’cause there won’t be any pool parties for a long while.

2. Hooking Up For Warmth

While summer might be the perfect time for beach hookups, fall means it’s starting to get cold out, and there’s no better way to keep warm than by getting under the covers with a strange dude from the bar. Guess what, my friend — that strange dude is you!

3. Whiskey Season

One of the beautiful things about the fall is you can finally put away all those mediocre light beers you have to shove a lime into to convince yourself they aren’t horrible. You’re a man now — it’s cold outside and there’s no better way to keep warm than a nice bourbon or scotch, even if it’s on the rocks.

4. No More Body Odor

Everybody sweats in the summer, which means everybody smells like sausage that’s been out in the sun too long. No amount of body spray can cover that up. Now it’s the fall, so kiss the B.O. goodbye (don’t actually kiss it, that’s disgusting) and trade in those sweat-stained T-shirts for some classy, smell-proof flannel.

5. Sexy Halloween Costumes

We’re saving the best for last here. Halloween is the only holiday specifically designed to get girls to dress like the sexy versions of…well…pretty much everything. You didn’t think a pumpkin can be sexy? Turns out anything can be sexy when it’s wearing barely any clothes. Just thinking about Halloween gets us so excited, we want to hibernate ’til October. Then, of course, we’d miss too much football.

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian, writer and king of swing.