The 5 Lamest Things Guys Do When We See A Hot Girl

97674180_97910f5103
Credit: Flickr/Tinou Bao

Guys, we truly are animals at heart. We just can’t help ourselves. That animalism most fully expresses itself when a hot girl walks by us on the street. Some of us are better at hiding our emotions, while other guys do some of the lamest things possibly imaginable. Please behave yourself, and don’t do any of the following.

Stare Bullets

Sometimes, a girl walks by so gorgeous, she doesn’t seem real, and you can’t feasibly take your oafish gaze off her. In fact, so hypnotized are you that you quit looking at her and beginning looking through her. Remember, loser, she’s a human-being, not a Magic Eye poster.

Don’t See Her Face

There are time when we’re so entranced by a woman’s wiggling and jiggling body as it saunters down the block, that never once do we even notice anything above her shoulders. Once she’s passed, you remark to your friend how attractive she was and he notes, “I thought you didn’t like brunettes?” She was brunette?

Follow Her Ass

This ultimately manifest in your eyeballs becoming laser-locked on her rump as it bounces by, causing your neck to swivel, possibly causing a sort of hot girl whiplash. No attorney is gonna take your case, and everyone else on the street is laughing at how pathetic you look.

Mime The Size Of Her Breasts

Of course, we may follow that ass for as far as our naked eyes can see (and imagine it naked), but with her breasts, we can usually only resort to gaping open our mouth in silent shocked unable to note to our buddy, “Why good chap, did you notice that young lady’s immense mammaries?” but instead only able to mime their Herculean enormity with our cupped hands.

Cat Call

But the ultimate sign of lameness is when a man is so out of ideas that he is compelled to spout out the legendary cat call. Whether you do the two-toned whistle favored by old folks, toss out a sordid statement like a lazing construction worker, or just offer a flat-out “Daaaaaaamn!” nothing good is going to come of this. You’ll still be searching for your next woman. Keep on walkin’.

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.