6 ‘Feminine’ Products That Guys Should Secretly Use

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Credit: Lions Gate Films

Every time we take a shower at our girlfriend’s place, we can’t help but notice it’s an entirely different setup. Guys’ bathrooms have one giant bottle of shampoo and a mushy bar of soap with hairs all over it, whereas girls are packing some serious clean in their bathrooms. There’s about nine different bottles scattered around. We figure, hey, no harm in indulging a little. Here, a list of feminine products we don’t mind secretly using…

1. Loofah & Body Wash

Imagine ditching the bar soap and dousing a crumpled-up fishing net in body wash. It’s like cleaning yourself with a soft cloud of dreams and puppy dogs. Highly recommend!

2. Deep Conditioner

Some guys don’t care about their hair, but guess what? Women do care about your hair. Regardless of what you’ve got going on up there, a deep conditioner is like steroids for your mop on top. It’ll make your hair look ridiculously healthy and shinier than A-Rod‘s ’09 World Series ring.

3. Baby Wipes

We might not admit to using these out loud at the next poker game, but simply put, baby wipes are THE SH*T! Trust us (and Andrew W.K.), once you slide a baby wipe across your region, there’s no turning back. You’ll get an extra bounce in your freshly-wiped step.

4. Moisturizer

As far as we can tell, there’s a whole galaxy of moisturizing products out there. Seriously, we walked down that aisle at the nearest convenience store and couldn’t make heads or tails of any of that crap. If you’re a gambling man, take a chance on any of ‘em. Lathering up with some sort of lotion after a shower never felt more refreshing. Yeah, we know, it’s the kinda thing that makes you soft (literally), but this is why you use it behind closed doors.

5. Styling Mousse

The word “product” often gets tossed around when it comes to guys’ hair. It might sound like a dirty word, but using “product” like a styling mousse could be the difference between sealing the deal or getting flung to the side like all those other losers trying to score. A well-presented man is a well-received man. Remember this as you’re massaging “product” into your scalp before heading to that party.

6. Exfoliating Facial Scrub

Honestly, we don’t even know what this does. We’re guessing “exfoliation” is Latin for “allowing your face to orgasm” because that’s what it feels like after using this junk. Most girls have some sort of peppermint-type scrub and it’s amazing. After rinsing off, you’ll feel like your face is shooting out beams of awesome.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.