How To Reinvent Yourself In College

Photo via Ranker

One of the best things about college is the opportunity to completely change the kind of guy you are. Were you a nerd in high school? Turn yourself into a super cool jock! College lets you prove that you’re no longer the lamest dude in the world. Here’s how…

Pick Your New Personality

Whether it’s “Beer Pong Guy,” “Scooter Guy” or “Pajamas Guy,” find something that sets you apart and gives you an instant nickname. There’s gonna be thousands of dudes on campus, so be creative yet simple. Just don’t be “Never Showers Guy.” That’s not doing anybody any favors.

Buy Your Own Clothes

Letting your mom purchase your jeans is pretty pathetic, but it’s acceptable in high school. Now you’re in college and it’s time to develop your own style. Leave the cargo shorts at home, go to the mall and figure out what clothes define you, because the first thing people judge you by is how you look. Don’t dress preppy unless you’re actually preppy; don’t wear a “Scarface” shirt unless you’re looking to f**k things up.

Embrace The Dark Side

Every campus needs goth kids. Paint your nails black, see how pale you can get and buy every Cure album you can find. Have a blast being super sad all the time and hating everyone around you. Stay up late with your identically dressed friends and talk about how unique you all are and how superior to the rest of the sheep. Just make sure you cut that s**t out once you graduate.

Join A Frat

There’s no better way to reinvent yourself from high school dork to campus king. Nobody cares how many times you got pantsed back in the day when you’re living in a sweet-ass house, throwing keggers every night. Of course, the downside is that 50% of the campus will think you’re a complete prick (and they’re probably right), but who has time for those losers anyway?

Leave The Comics At Home (Or Bring Them All)

Much like being Walter White, being a nerd in college is no time for half-measures. You don’t wanna be sort of a nerd who’s kind of into comic books. Either leave them behind or be the guy who gets super pissed about who’s playing Spider-Man’s nephew in the new sequel. There’s nothing wrong with being a nerd, but if you’re gonna do it, then do it right.

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian, writer and admirer of all pants.