How To Break Up With Your Summer Girl

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Credit: George Doyle

With fall around the corner, that passionate summer romance is starting to die like A-Rod‘s career. You know it. Your friends know it. And she might know it, too. The writing is on the wall: Break the f**k up, already!

Just as summer has a shelf life of two to three months, so does a seasonal relationship. It’s time to move on, but don’t be harsh about it. Follow these simple steps and you’ll be able to reflect on how great the past few months have been without making another enemy.

1. Be a man — do it in person

This applies to all break-ups, but it’s even more important to break up with a summer chick face to face, because she might disappear from your life quicker than a bowl of pasta in front of a fat guy. Get in that last good look. And try to find a good place, too, instead of somewhere cheesy like a fast-food parking lot or something.

2. Take your time

This isn’t a typical break-up — this is someone you’ve only spent a couple months with, so it’s important to call things off a little differently. There’s a good chance more happened in the short term with this girl than most of your long-term relationships. She might’ve opened up to you a bit more than you asked for, but to abruptly end it and immediately walk away is kind of a dick move and disrespectful of all that went on between you two.

3. Choose your words wisely

Whatever you do, DO NOT say this was “only for the summer.” Chances are, she’ll likewise feel this was only temporary, but it’ll still hurt her feelings if you make it sound like the relationship came packaged with an expiration date. Maybe your life gets complicated during the rest of the year. Maybe she’s studying abroad 5,000 miles away and you don’t want to hold her back. Whatever the reason, be clear that you’re the reason the relationship can’t continue, not her, and definitely not the calendar.

4. Don’t be weird going forward

No envy, no expectations, no constantly wondering “what if?” You had great times together, but only because it was the right time. Besides, you might be let down at how different she is during the winter in sweaters.

5. If she’s cool, stay in touch

There’s nothing wrong with that. You might even be able to revisit the relationship down the road next summer.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.