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If your apartment is a sixth-floor walk-up, you can't invite people over for one last summer BBQ (or any BBQ, ever, for that matter). Meanwhile, all of your married "dad" friends have invited you to liquid smoke-filled soirees at their mortgaged homes ever since the first lightning bug arrived. You show up with the cheapest six-pack you can find. It's embarrassing.
Fear not. With Labor Day right around the corner, here are tips on how to throw your own BBQ without owning a grill.
1. Tell Guests It's "BYOB...BQ"
You provide the drinks, chips and sides, and have your buddies bring the grilled goodness. One of them can have burger duty, another hot dogs and another ribs. When they arrive, heat everything in your oven (the cheese for the burgers melts better there anyway). Does this sound lame to you? Well, it's not as lame as you being the guy who goes home with leftovers all of the damn time.
2. Hit The Park
Any outdoor park has those scary little grills scattered everywhere. All you need is a sack of charcoal and something to clean the grates. (Let's not think about how charcoal on your food leads to terminal illness; that isn't important at the moment.) Invite everyone you know -- parks have unlimited space, after all -- and unleash your inner grillmaster.
3. George Foreman's A Knockout
Chances are, if you don't own a full-sized grill, it's because you live in an apartment the size of a food truck. Allow us to introduce you to our good friend, George Foreman. His famous grill doesn't merely save lives (thanks to the little plate that catches all of the excess fat); it'll allow you to feed as many people as your shoebox kitchen can fit. No one will complain that you didn't use a "real" grill, because they'll be too busy eating your extra-lean burgers.
4. Catch A Fire
Grills don't actually grill things -- fire does. Have a bonfire. Somewhere. You can find some grass and branches, or just go the homeless route and light a garbage can aflame. Really get into it and wear fingerless gloves while roasting kebabs and hot dogs on a stick. It's really en vogue for hipsters to look homeless these days anyway, so you'll appear more fashion-forward than you would in a grease-stained apron.
5. Go "Glamping"
Yes, we all know you are super lumberjack macho and think "glamping" is where celebrities go to pee outside, but it's actually a much nicer way to go camping. There are luxury campgrounds nationwide ("glamping sites," if you will) that come with grills, pools, tents and all of that. Be the one to initiate a glamping trip with your friends, and then be the point person when it comes to grilling at the site. Then you'll look like you threw the ultimate BBQ and you didn't even have to have it at your house.
+ For more on BBQs, watch "Ain't That America With Lil Duval" tonight at 11:30/10:30c on MTV2