Why Cats Are Manlier To Own Than Dogs

cat bearding
Credit: Instagram

It almost goes without saying: Dogs are for dudes, while felines are for females. (Hence, the archetypical “crazy cat lady,” not “crazy cat guy.”) However, nothing could be further from the truth. If you ask me, cats are the manlier pet for these indisputable reasons…

It takes balls to own a cat

What happens when something becomes so stereotypically unmanly? Why, the paradigm flips, and then to do such a thing is the ultimate sign of being secure in your masculinity. Participating in yoga, wearing pink and, yes, cat ownership fit the bill perfectly here. (Just don’t do all three at once.)

They’re low-maintenance

It’s ironic that so many guys refuse to let a woman tie ‘em down in a relationship…and then they let a canine buddy do it to them. Constant walks, feedings several times per day, and, of course, having to clean up its crap. (No girlfriend is that bad!)

It takes far less effort to own a cat that, quite frankly, doesn’t need you. And no guy wants to exert unnecessary effort.

Love is meaningless to them

Cats are perfectly happy to do their own things, whether it’s sleeping, eating or just running around. Dogs, on the other hand, are always in your business — wanting to hang with you, wanting to be by you, wanting to sleep near you, wanting, wanting, wanting.

What dogs want is love. Love me, love me, love me, is what a dog is begging from you every time it sticks its snout in your face and slobbers all over your lap. Cats don’t pathetically crave affection. You know what’s manly, Fido? Independence.

You’re in good company

Plenty of famous badasses throughout history have owned cats instead of dogs. No one would dare revoke the man cards of Winston Churchill, Ernest Hemingway or Marlon Brando, each of whom chose purring fur-balls over smelly canines. If dogs are man’s best friend, then cats are the manly man’s best friend.

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.