The Best Tips For An Easy College Semester


College is supposed to be the best time of your life. But being guys, sometimes, nay, many times, we make mistakes — especially when we’re young. In our endless male hastiness, we often overlook certain things that could come back to bite us in the ass later. Young men rarely have proper foresight.

But luckily for you, young Guy Code college students out there, you have a grizzled veteran such as myself to guide you through life. Follow these four simple suggestions, and you’ll be well on your way to having a legendary college semester.

End That Relationship Back Home

Guys, come on, you should know better than to go off to college with a girlfriend back home. Those relationships do not last. You may think you’ll be the rare exception to the rule, but you won’t be. When it comes to long distance college relationships, love rarely conquers all. Sure, it’s possible. But probable? Hell no! And that’s a good thing. College is supposed to be a time to run around and make mistakes, be it with your wallet, liver or wiener. Do you really want to curb your partying, even for a brief moment, to check in with a girlfriend who’s likely cheating on you 1000 miles away?

During your college years, don’t allow yourself to be tied down. Trust me. Your future self will thank you. Get it all out of your system now. Be Johnny Monogamous later.

Take A Weird Elective

Most colleges offer at least one or two straight up crazy courses these days. The City University of New York has a course called “South Park” and Political Correctness. If you go to Berkeley, you can take a class where you learn the history of chocolate. When I went to Nassau Community College on Long Island, I took a class called Circus Arts. I rode a unicycle. I juggled. I made freakin’ balloon animals. The class was taught by a 74-year-old ex-circus clown named Bart, who, by the way, was the f**king man.

That class was genuinely stupid in every sense of the word. As far as spending my college tuition wisely, I didn’t. But I did get an A — an easy, easy A.

No Early Classes!

Nickel beer nights. Beer pong tournaments. Foam parties. Thirsty Thursdays. In college, these gloriously debaucherous nights don’t always wait for the weekends. Being hungover on a weekday is an occupational hazard every college student has to deal with. So to combat having to miss classes because your head is pounding, or, worse, you’re hugging the bowl, do yourself a favor. Don’t schedule any early morning classes!

Your GPA will benefit from the move.

Two Words: Online Courses

The only thing better than a late class, or an easy class, is a class that you could conceivably take naked. Also, it’s a class that you take alongside your trusty friend. His name? Google. Sure, some online classes throw extra work at you to make up for the fact that you never have to leave your dorm room, but it’s worth it.

The good always outweighs the bad. Take at least one online course.

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Peter Hoare (@PeterHoare) is a screenwriter and dashingly handsome humorist.