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If you’re starting college at the end of summer, you’ll probably soon receive an email with the identity of your roommate. This randomly assigned person will be a huge factor in determining how much fun you’ll have freshman year. There are potentially tens of thousands of guys it could be, but most freshmen are pretty similar, so here are some of the roommates you should be expecting…
1. The Shut-In
You may end up with a guy who never seems to leave your dorm room. You know he goes to class, yet somehow he’s always studying or playing video games in your tiny shared space. He’ll likely grow up to be a lonely hoarder, which isn’t your problem — your problem is that bringing girls back to the room is impossible with him around. Be firm that you don’t care where he goes, but he can’t stay here.
2. The Guy In A Toxic Relationship
He’s trying to make it work long-distance with his high school girlfriend, or maybe they even went to the same college for the sake of staying together. In the former scenario, you’ll hear all of their fights over the phone; in the latter, you’ll witness those fights in person, because she (much like The Shut-In) won’t ever leave your room. Either way, their relationship is obviously doomed, but it will take a whole year for them to figure it out.
3. The Party Machine
Everyone parties a little too hard when they first get to college, but some guys just can’t handle that much sudden freedom. This dude will repeatedly come home at 4 a.m. and then mistake your closet for the bathroom stall. On the plus side, his frequent blackouts are a great opportunity to blame him for any damage you may have caused yourself.
4. The Stoner
If you walk into your dorm room and there’s a guy in tie-dye putting up a Bob Marley poster, congratulations, you’ve got yourself a stoner roommate. You can do a lot worse — he’s laid back, always up for hanging out, and knows the funniest s**t to watch on Netflix. Still, you have to suffer through nonstop reggae music and lectures on how hemp production could lead to the end of the Israel-Palestine conflict.
5. The Future Best Man
It’s bromance at first sight. This roommate is a healthy combination of all the other types — he may be around a lot, have an annoying girlfriend and party too hard — but he could say the same about you. Throughout the year, you’ll collect plenty of embarrassing stories about each other, the perfect material for your future wedding toasts.