Diehard Degenerate: 2013 NFL Season Win Totals

NFL Season Win Totals 2013
Credit: Tom Pennington / Getty Images

Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our expert on losing money.

Football is back! Well, not quite yet, but gambling on football is in full swing with Las Vegas already taking action on NFL season win totals. Gambling on NFL win totals allows you to get invested in teams that otherwise would be completely irrelevant, like the Arizona Cardinals.

Plus, the payoff or loss on season win totals is so far in the distant future, it almost feels like investing in the stock market. So, when your girlfriend asks, “You’re not from Jacksonville…why are you watching the Jaguars game?”, simply respond, “Because I care about our financial future, babe.”

Why should you take my advice? Because when it came to the 2012 season, I didn’t get one win total bet wrong!

Dallas Cowboys Under 8.5 Wins

Going against America’s team? You bet I am. The Cowboys are coming off back-to-back 8-8 seasons with a quarterback coming off of back surgery. Jerry Jones continues to make baffling coaching moves with his hiring of defensive coordinator Monte Kiffin. If you have to resign a job for fear of being fired by your own son, maybe you’re no longer a defensive genius. It’s no better for head coach Jason Garret, who has been stripped of his play-calling duties and should focus his free time on learning the Heimlich maneuver for the impending Tony Romo choke job.

Arizona Cardinals Over 5.5 Wins

Nobody has great things to say about the Cardinals this year, which is exactly why you want to bet the over on them and fade public consensus. Carson Palmer may be past his prime, but he’s a huge upgrade from Kevin Kolb, a guy sacked with such ease, even a wet mat can take him down. Throw in new head coach Bruce Arians, the potential of Patrick Peterson on offense and an improved offensive line, and you have a team that will probably still kind of suck, but will easily win six games.

Denver Broncos Under 11.5 Wins

The Denver Broncos had everything go their way when they won 11 in a row. No way that luck continues this year. The distractions are already piling up, especially within the front office, which appears to be a bunch of drunks who can’t figure out a fax machine. Peyton Manning won’t have the same focus he did last year, determined to recover from his neck injury. Instead he’s been busy filming a rap video with his brother Eli, a song so awful it’s quite possibly the worst thing an NFL player has been responsible for this off season.

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Sean Green is a comedian and die-hard NFL gambler. Get his picks @GamblingPodcast.