Pro Wrestling Tag Teams: The Ultimate Bromance

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Photo: WWE

As far as bromances go, the ultimate platonic man-on-man relationship has to be the professional wrestling tag team. So now, allow us to recap some of the absolute worst bromances in the history of the squared circle…

The West Hollywood Blondes

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Photo via bleacherreport.com

Comprised of two longtime jobbers — Lenny and Lodi — the team’s gimmick was that they were flamboyantly, stereotypically gay. They often skipped to the ring while sucking on lollipops, and, in an inexplicable move, wore tights with furry pink triangles on the crotch. So, not only were Lenny and Lodi supposed to be gay, but their wrestling trunks had mock vaginas on them. As if pro wrestling didn’t have enough homoerotic undertones!

Not surprisingly, months after this duo failed to set the wrestling world on fire, WCW went out of business. Also not surprising: Vince McMahon failed to pick up Lenny and Lodi’s contracts when he purchased WCW.

The Dicks

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Photo: WWE via Uproxx

Never have I been more embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. James and Chad Dick were a simply horrendous WWE tag team who dressed as two dastardly Chippendales dancers and squirted baby oil in their opponents’ eyes. In 2005, someone in a World Wrestling Entertainment boardroom pitched this idea, and it received the go-ahead. Seriously.

Luckily for fans everywhere, The Dicks’ WWE tenure was short-lived, lasting only a year or so.

Men On A Mission

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Photo: WWE via bleacherreport.com

After entering the WWF (now WWE), Nelson Frazier Jr. and Robert Horne were rechristened as Mabel and Mo, and they collectively formed Men on a Mission. What was the mission, you ask? Evidently, it was to suck.

Mission accomplished, fellas.

Mabel and Mo’s ring gear was the equivalent of oversized purple garbage bags, with big Mabel’s often saying “Whoop There It Is!” across the chest. And, because professional wrestling loves stereotypes, Mabel and Mo also rapped — poorly.

In 1994, Mabel and Mo upended The Quebecers to win the WWE tag team championship. These two dopes only held the belts for a mere 48 hours, but let me assure you, those were two of the darkest days in wrestling history.

The Godwinns

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Photo via 11points.com

Who were The Godwinns? Well, they were two wrestling pig farmers, of course! This craptastic tag team was comprised of Henry O. Godwinn (H.O.G) and Phineas I. Godwin (P.I.G.), and together they’d dump pig slop on their opponents’ heads and wrestle in “hog pen” matches. Ugh.

The Spirit Squad

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Photo: WWE via imageevent.com

When a little boy dreams of one day making it to Monday Night Raw, I sincerely doubt he envisions doing so dressed as a male cheerleader. Sadly, that’s exactly what The Spirit Squad was. These a-holes performed elaborate synchronized cheers. They jumped into the ring on trampolines. They wore absolute dreck in every sense of the word.

Not surprisingly, Vince McMahon eventually realized how sh*tty this gimmick was, and before long, he disbanded the ol’ Spirit Squad. Unfortunately for the athletes, four of the five are no longer employed by WWE. The only one who still has a job is “Nicky,” who currently wrestles as Dolph Ziggler.

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Peter Hoare (@PeterHoare) is a screenwriter and dashingly handsome humorist.