5 Swimwear Don’ts For Dudes [PHOTOS]

speedo dude
Credit: Bazooka Life

Girls have to search high and low, through catalogs and basement bargain bins, for the perfect swimsuit that plays up our assets and draws attention away from shortcomings. Guys have it so much easier — just buy plain shorts — but some of you still don cringe-worthy swimwear every summer. Here are examples of beach attire to avoid. Forever.

1. Animal Prints

leopard2
Credit: clothestopose.co.uk

Leave the spots to Snooki, guys. If you insist on wearing something this tight in this print, we’ll hope sharks have a taste for cheetah.

2. Being “Hilarious”

mankini guy
Credit: Getty Images

It was funny when “Borat” did it. Way back in 2006. Now you’ll only get shudders, not laughs.

3. Matching Your Girlfriend

matching suits couple
Credit: my-bestdeal

It doesn’t really matter what she promises you, or what you’re making up to her. There’s no excuse for his-and-hers swimwear.

4. Sagging

old guy speedo
Credit: doblelol

The beach is no place for your coin slot to make an appearance. Your crack hasn’t seen much sun; it will burn easily.

5. Capris

Long Trunks
Credit: dcclubbing

We respect you going to the opposite end of the spectrum from a Speedo, but these are basically pants. C’mon, guys, show a little leg.

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Kara Klenk (@karaklenk) is a comedian in New York City.