Why Guys Never Want To Take Photos With Their Girlfriends

couple photo
Credit: Trista Weibell

Whether you’re at a bar or a party, or just outside at sunset, your girlfriend probably wants to snap a bunch of couples pics. What’s so bad about that? Only everything.

Men hate to appear in pictures. No, that’s not quite right. Men hate to waste time posing for pictures. “Stand there. No, there. Put your arm around me. Now smile. OK, let’s do it again.”

The woman who can make her man do that clearly has his nuts in a vise. That’s why all your single buddies are pointing, laughing and making perverted faces as you and your girlfriend pose for yet another stupid pic.

She wants to document the present, so she can go back later and analyze it, but you’d rather enjoy the present. And it’s difficult to enjoy your drink, or your dinner, or the freaking party if every three minutes you need to create photographic proof for the next day that you were actually having “fun.”

You might laugh at girls who take their iPhones into the bathroom and unleash their duck faces for the camera, but now your girl’s selfie has become your “couplie,” since nobody else around wants to actually waste their time taking photos of you two. Even worse, since your arms are probably longer than hers, you’re the one stuck holding the phone.

Plus, when you wake up the next morning to find your lady-love sitting at her laptop with her phone plugged in and Facebook pulled up, prepare to spend a half-hour untagging yourself. ‘Cause any picture is getting uploaded if she looks good in it, no matter how many chins you appear to have.

If you haven’t caught on, this is all practice for the ultimate couples pic: Your wedding portrait. Never mind the proposal photos, engagement photos, hours upon hours of reception photos and then the scenic honeymoon photos. So remember, guys, the next time you’re snapping a “couplie” at a bar or party, the worst is still yet to come.

But maybe, just maybe, when your grandchildren are looking through all those old photos someday and smiling, you’ll finally be glad she created that damn Instagram account.

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.