Superhero Fashion Statements We Can Learn From

armani
Credit: Armani

Since childhood, most of us have dreamed of having superpowers. Sadly, we’ll never be able to fly, change the weather or shoot preternatural substances out of our bodies (excluding after the occasional late-night visit to Montezuma’s Taco Shop).

Thankfully, there is one aspect of superheroes that we can emulate: Crusader couture — which is a fancy way of saying costumes is on full display at San Diego Comic-Con. Here are some heroic fashion statements to influence your personal style.

The Fedora

Rorschach
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

Yeah, the fedora gets a bad rap, but if you need to deflect attention, it works like a charm. Rorschach from “Watchmen,” for example, places the classy ornament atop his disturbing ink-blotted mask, which shields an even more busted birth-given face. And on Seth Rogen, a fedora even has the power to distract us from the plot of “The Green Hornet.” Or was that the contact high?

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The Shades

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Credit: Fox

You think Cyclops, the archetypal teacher’s pet, would’ve gotten Jean Grey and Emma Frost if he hadn’t rocked those ruby reds? And don’t settle for $5 knockoffs, or else some mutton-chopped, cigar-smoking bad boy with a million-dollar manicure might steal your chick.

The Codpiece

Codpiece
Credit: DC Comics

This is a risky move. George Clooney‘s jockstrap was noticeably larger than all previous Batman actors’, and what woman doesn’t want to sleep with George Clooney? However, go too big and you’ll end up rejected like the above Doom Patrol character, actually named “Codpiece,” who, despite his massive member, proved a rather impotent super-villain: He was cut after just one issue.

The Trench Coat

Gambit
Credit: Marvel Comics

Rorschach makes the list once again, and he’s in fine company with Gambit, Nick Fury and Blade. Originally worn by French and British army officers as a functional article for warmth, today’s trench coat conveys confidence, style, mystery, and — on the subway – potential public nudity.

Wearing…Something

DrManhattan2
Credit: DC Comics

Speaking of public nudity, just remember: Regardless of size, color and level of radioactivity, there is no greater fashion faux pas than the one committed by Dr. Manhattan.

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Ethan Fixell (@EthanFixell) is a writer and comedian from New York.