5 Completely Overrated Times To Drink

Credit:  Stuart Chalmers/Flickr

Drinking is the great American¬†pastime, but it’s not great all the time. Sure, a cold one enhances many activities, such as BBQs and birthday parties, but there are plenty of occasions — no matter how popular among fellow imbibers — when you should just stick with H2O…

1. In the morning

Whether it’s turning brunch into “drunch,” or simply clearing last night’s cobwebs with a little “hair of the dog,” morning drinking is unquestionably overrated. Those bottomless Bloody Marys will have you napping on the couch by 3 p.m. and hungover by dinnertime.

2. At stadiums

Watching your favorite band or favorite team is awesome. You know what’s not? Concession stands with never-ending lines, abysmal selection and extravagant prices for just a few foamy ounces. Not to mention, by the time you return to your seat, you’ve missed a few key songs or important innings, which you came to enjoy in the first place. (But if you sneak in a flask or those tiny airplane bottles, we won’t judge you.)

3. When it’s 90 degrees outside

Look, we love outdoor summer drinking. Whether a bar patio, a rooftop or just a friend’s backyard, there’s no finer time to pop a bottle…up to a point. If it’s scorching hot, don’t expect to enjoy a vodka tonic while sweating profusely into the glass. Give us an A/C-cranking bar any day of the week.

4. With family

Now that you’re of legal age, Mom and Dad are actually inviting you out to have a drink with them, instead of grounding you for hiding beers under your bed. Awesome, right? Wrong. Though being a little buzzed may make the ‘rents a lot less annoying, you don’t want to get blasted with them — ’cause your father hasn’t been with another woman in decades, and he might ask to hear “stories.”

5. When miserable

The most overrated time to tipple is when you’re feeling like s**t, from a breakup or a layoff or whatever else has you down. Sure, drinking your way back to happiness seems like a good idea, but people forget: Alcohol is literally a depressant. Even if booze makes you feel better for a bit, you’ll soon feel worse than where you started. Go for a nice, long jog instead.

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.