5 Things Nice Guys Do That Make Them Look Like D-Bags

douche
Credit: Sarah Deer/Flickr

You’re a good-looking guy, your mamma raised you right, and you treat women well. So why are you still having trouble with the ladies? Watch out for innocent mistakes that can make an A-Grade guy seem like a textbook d-bag.

1. Wearing A Watch On A Leather Cuff

It’s been 10 years since Colin Farrell first popularized this look, and even then, it made guys come off with all of the Farrell sleaze and none of his doe-eyed charm. Wearing one of these watches today says to girls, “Baby, I’m not only selfish in bed, but I also like to hit on your friends.”

2. Talking About CrossFit All The Time

…or P90X, or any other fitness craze. It’s great that you work out, and understandable that you’re excited about the results, but talking too much about it makes you sound like you’re in some kind of exercise cult, and suggests that you have a tribal tattoo on your soul.

3. Not Tipping Well

Even if the service is less than perfect, always tip 20% on a date. If the chick you’re with has ever worked in the restaurant industry, she’ll sympathize with the server regardless of how cold the soup was. Any girl is likely to view your bad tip as a sign of entitlement, so just cough up the few extra bucks. Trust us, you’ll get your money’s worth after dinner.

4. Sporting A Crass T-Shirt

Sure, it was the perfect outfit for spring break, back when you bought it at a strip club in Mexico, but it has no place in your day-to-day life. You might put zero thought into which shirt you grab each morning, but she’s reading a lot into the sexual pun you have written across your chest. You want her to feel comfortable around you, not embarrassed for you.

5. Misspelled Texts

You’re a nice and intelligent dude, so make sure that’s apparent when you text. Spelling “should” s-h-u-d doesn’t make you seem like much of a catch — it just makes you look d-u-m.

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand-up comic with good taste in bad ideas.