Female Vs. Male Strippers: A Club Breakdown

148728631Credit: Anthony Pidgeon/Getty Images

For many dudes, the strip club for women (or “male revue”) is a mystery. What’s the point of a girl receiving a lap dance, since she can’t get a boner? Do girls wear sweatpants with no underwear, just like me? These are valid questions.

However, aside from the fact that dancers remove their clothes, our girlfriends’ “revues” are nothing like our own nudie bars. Here are some of the drastic differences…

Location

Gentlemen’s clubs have permanent addresses, parking lots and buffets where you can get wings. Strip clubs for women, on the other hand, don’t actually exist in the physical world. Sure, they have websites and billboards, but you’d be hard-pressed to actually see one anywhere. They sort of materialize in a flash of nudity, like the “Terminator,” accomplish their mission, then disappear.

Procedure

When you go to a gentlemen’s club, you show your I.D. to a bouncer, pay a cover, buy a drink and try to avoid eye contact or conversation with other dudes.

Conversely, your girlfriend and her gal pals 1) go online and buy tickets ahead of time, 2) dress up like they’re going clubbing, 3) meet some strange guy outside of an unmarked building who leads them to an event space rented out for the show, 4) watch grown men break-dance in assless chaps and 5) hoot and scream uncontrollably for an hour straight, hugging each other at least once per minute.

Club Names

Most gentlemen’s clubs are drab, windowless hellholes teeming with male desperation and the stench of cheap perfume, but many have sophisticated names such as “Mons Venus,” in Florida, “Art’s Performing Center,” in Wisconsin, and “The Library,” in California.

Conversely, strip clubs for women have surprisingly scary names, such as “Savage Men” and “Get Punished,” both in New York. Women apparently want a rawer, more aggressive performance…which we never would’ve guessed from the Chippendales’ dainty bow ties.

Services

At a quality gentlemen’s club (not one of those drab hellholes), a man receives the utmost respect and deluxe accommodations. It may cost him $1,000, but that’s a small price to pay for a sumptuous dinner, fine scotch and world-class dance routines.

However, after women get all gussied up for a male revue, they’re made to sit on metal folding chairs in a weird banquet hall, while men in hard hats terrorize them with their penises. Even when they pay good money for a fantasy experience, it seems women still prefer to be treated like crap?

Although, we have to admit, the hottest pole dancer on earth is probably less entertaining to watch than this guy:

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Photo: getpunished.com

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Will Garre (@wgarre) is a comedian and writer in New York City.