Credit: Jonathan Wood/Getty Images
When you're a kid, you think summer is the greatest thing to ever happen. Three months of complete freedom when you can do pretty much whatever you want! Now that you're an adult, however, you realize pretty much all of those things totally sucked. Here are five things you used to love...and why you were wrong about them.
1. Slip 'N Slides
When it's hot as balls outside, what's the best way to beat the heat? How about a thin layer of plastic with an even thinner layer of water you can hurl yourself on like it's a torture device from "Game of Thrones"?
Slip 'N Slides stop being fun the moment you learn how to swim. They're the slightly cooler cousin of those tiny plastic pools for infants and dogs.
2. Summer Camp
What could be more fun than a week away from your real friends, with nothing but singalongs and scratching mosquito bites to pass the time? Turns out, everything. Summer camp being fun is one of the greatest lies Hollywood's ever tried to get away with.
Sure, there's the occasional camp dance with hand-holding and maybe even some frenching, but that's what boy-girl parties are for...and those have air conditioning. Skip the camps and just watch "Heavyweights" again.
The holy grail of preteen fun. It's nothing but pizza, ice cream and movies 'til you puke from all the pizza and ice cream. In retrospect, just about every sleepover ever was the worst. You know what's fun? Sleeping in a bed, not on the floor next to your buddy who's made up of 80% farts.
At least they prepare you for the grown man's sleepover: Getting s***faced at a bar and passing out on your buddy's couch. That's where memories are made.
Maybe your parents were awesome and let you light up some bottle rockets when you were 8, but chances are they were too terrified (and lame) to let you near explosives. So, they gave you something they thought was just as good: sparklers. But they aren't. Not even a little bit.
While fireworks give you bright flashes and the potential to lose a thumb, all sparklers give you is the opportunity to spell your name in smoke. And your name better be "Bob" or "Dave," or the smoke's going to vanish before you're halfway done. Parents just don't understand.
Like most things when you're a kid, vacations sounded awesome until you realized that you had no control over them. You're free to go and do whatever you want! As long as whatever you want is exactly what your parents decided/planned. We're going to Disney World! (Yay!) And your dorky siblings aren't allowed to leave your sight, guaranteeing you won't have any fun. (Boo!)
Now you can pack your own car with your own friends and do whatever the f*** you want, because you're in charge of your own mediocre vacation. What could be better?