Today’s Dumbass: Man On Run From Cops After Boning A Bicycle

bike sex
Photo: YouTube

We’ve probably all jacked off into some inanimate object, whether it’s a sock or a pillow or an apple pie or (if you’ve got too much money for your own good) a Fleshlight. But a Swedish man has taken this behavior to a new, bizarre level, befouling some random dude’s bicycle. At least we owned those socks!

The bike owner’s tire kept getting slashed, so he installed a security camera…and discovered a puke-worthy sight: The hooded creeper above, humping the wheel’s punctured rubber. (We’ve heard the theory “a hole’s a hole,” but this is ridiculous.)

Police are now searching for the weirdo, who might have some connection to a bunch of similar incidents in 2007. The owner isn’t too concerned, though, telling the Sun, ”I am not scared of him. This man is probably completely harmless. Bicycles are just his thing.”

Click through for video, which we’re honestly not sure is NSFW, but is definitely NSFB.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog