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Why get excited for the NBA Draft? It's proven to be nothing more than a hyped-up night when kids barely old enough to drive become millionaires before our very eyes. True, there's a level of excitement in wondering if our team will make any blockbuster trades or if we can figure out who the next bust will be (read: Greg Oden).
However, the draft is mostly a yawn-inducing NBA event. In the spirit of Draft 2013, here are 20 things we completely made up, but would LOVE to see happen.
2. Jay-Z making headlines by announcing he has bought the NBA Draft.
3. Projected top pick Nerlens Noel correcting everyone who has been mispronouncing his name, which is really "New Orleans."
4. Ben McLemore promising he won't be the next Ben Gordon.
5. Alex Len promising he won’t be the next Bryant Reeves.
6. Otto Porter trademarking his first name and inventing the phrase "Otto-matic!"
7. Cleveland trading the top pick to the Clippers for Doc Rivers, who resigns from the job at the last second, then goes back to coach Boston the following day.
8. The Charlotte Bobcats accidentally drafting a cardboard cutout of "Man of Steel" and discuss starting him at center.
9. The Orlando Magic trading for Charlotte's cardboard cutout of "Man of Steel" and set it on fire next to a pile of cash.
10. Allen Iverson announcing he's ready to sign with a team.
11. One draft pick wearing a suit made entirely of solid gold. (And then probably blowing out his knees during Summer League play.)
12. David Stern getting so mercilessly booed that he sheds his human skin and reveals himself as a Lizard Prince, then begins to destroy Brooklyn.
13. The Knicks drafting your grandpa and start him at the 4.
14. The Brooklyn Nets' Russian owner arriving in a space-age hovercraft.
15. At least one fan holding a Kentavious Caldwell-Pope sign with his name spelled correctly.
17. A Blake Griffin commercial that's as hilarious as his playoff numbers.
18. Tim Hardaway Jr. falling into the 2nd Round, jeopardizing any chance of becoming the first son to follow his dad's appearance on the cover of "NBA Live."
19. Dwight Howard announcing he will not re-sign with the Lakers, instead choosing to play quarterback for the Jets.
20. This. (For ol' times sake.)