5 Ways To Keep A Booty Call A Booty Call

booty call
Credit: Astra Production

A solid booty call is an important tool in any single guy’s arsenal: less drama than calling your crazy ex-girlfriend, less effort than flirting with a random chick at the bar.

Contrary to its casual appearance, however, this relationship is more fragile than it seems. Here are some tips on how to keep that special girl in your life…without making her that special girl in your life.

1. Stay the night, skip the breakfast

Few things make a girl feel cheap like a guy ditching her before the sheets get cold. Be a gentleman and stay the night, but leave before she asks how you like your eggs. Cooking for a guy is one step away from meeting his mother, so don’t accept those pancakes unless you’re ready for the “What are we?” conversation that’s sure to follow.

2. Only text late at night

Texting is a fun way to flirt and get in the mood, but make sure you only do it after dark, when it’s clear that you’re either drunk or lonely or both. Daytime texts can quickly segue into “We tell each other everything,” which is a surefire way to get feelings involved.

3. Be adventurous in bed

Girls have about as much trouble getting casual sex as Eskimos have getting ice, so edge out your competitors by bringing something fun and interesting to the table. She’s in this for the sex, too, so make sure you’re delivering in that department.

4. Don’t finish a movie together

You’ve known since high school that “Let’s watch a movie” is code for “Let’s get it on,” so feel free to start a movie with her…but make sure you’re making out before the opening credits are over. Cuddling and watching a movie together is one of those things girls most want a boyfriend for, so turn on “Silver Linings Playbook,” but don’t let her start picturing a happy ending for you two.

5. Be clear about what you (don’t) want

It might seem obvious that this is nothing more than a late-night romp, but the reality is girls are hardwired to get attached when they have sex. Unless you’ve said the words “I don’t want a relationship” out loud, there’s a good chance she’s daydreaming about how you both like pizza and Bob Marley! What are the odds?

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand-up comic with good taste in bad ideas.