The ‘Taking A Break’ Bucket List: How To Spend Your Time Apart

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There comes a time in just about every relationship when one partner (usually the girl) asks for a break. Maybe she’s gotten cold feet, or gone temporarily crazy. Or perhaps she has a hunch that she just shouldn’t be with a guy like you.

This so-called break could last for a week or for months. Sure, you’ll probably/definitely/absolutely get back together sometime soon…but until then, you can get a lot of s*** accomplished in your free (and we do mean FREE) time. Here are some things to knock off your “taking a break” bucket list.

1. Stay out late. No longer do you need to be tucked in and spooning by 10:30.

2. No one needs to know where you are at all times. Go off the grid. No phone calls, no emails, no texts and certainly no “checking in.” It’s liberating! (Let your parents know you’re OK, though.)

3. Shots? Why not?

4. Whatever the opposite of a “foodie” is, become one. Pizza, burgers and plenty of food carts. Your girlfriend isn’t making you eat quinoa anymore.

5. Pass out on your couch. Bed is so many feet away.

6. Catch up on “Game of Thrones.” Rewind and rewatch all the most violent, and most nude, scenes.

7. In fact, watch all your favorite movies and TV shows that are violent T&A fests. Or feature The Rock.

8. Hang with your scumbag friends. Apologize for being a p***y who wasn’t allowed to see them for the past year.

9. Quit shaving and grow some repulsive facial hair. You might look nice with a “mountain man” beard.

10. Shower a whole lot less, too. F*** that loofah. Go back to bar soap.

11. Quit wearing those collared shirts and slacks she thinks are “so cute.” Go back to slobbing out in T-shirts and jeans. Yes, you can wear sneakers everywhere again.

12. Say “yes” to everything.

13. Leave the country. Traveling solo can be surprisingly fun, even life-changing.

14. Flirt with everything that moves. Have sex with lots of women who are nothing at all like your once and future girlfriend…specifically, more “adventurous.”

15. Finally, destroy all evidence: Emails, pictures, anything on social media. Or else this “break” is going to quickly become permanent. Actually…maybe that’s a good thing?

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.