Today’s Dumbass: Guy Trips Balls On Shrooms, Rips Off Own Penis

band aids on crotch
Credit: Peter Dazeley

There’s a reason why alcohol is our drug of choice: Because no matter how crazy we get, we don’t intentionally rip off our own body parts.

Unfortunately for a 41-year-old man from Columbus, Ohio, a magic mushroom trip turned into an E.R. visit after he yanked off his own dick. Police reportedly found him naked and bloody outside a school at 1 a.m., according to the Detroit Free Press. A sergeant told the newspaper, “He really wasn’t saying much at all — a lot of yelling and screaming.” (Yeah, well, that’s understandable.)

Since authorities “couldn’t really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation,” they rushed him to a hospital along with parts of his genitals. No word on whether those were successfully reattached, but he’s lucky to be alive…or not so lucky, depending on your perspective.

To be fair, a dong kinda looks like a mushroom even when you’re sober — so, easy mistake, right? Head over to BroBible for video, which is mercifully SFW.

MORE: “Man Tripping On Shrooms Rips Off His Own Dick”

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog