How To Celebrate The Summer Solstice Like A Pagan

Day Of Summer Solstice Celebrated In Stonehenge
Credit: Scott Barbour/Getty Images

Today’s the summer solstice, the day of the year when the sun shines longest. It probably means nothing to you, but it used to inspire massive celebrations in pagan cultures. We like any excuse to throw a party, so here are ways for the modern man to have a good time while worshiping the sun…or just tanning in it.

1. Toga Party/BBQ

The Romans celebrated summer solstices by slaughtering a young calf as a tribute to Vesta, the goddess of the hearth. It’s a bad idea to slaughter a calf in public today, but thankfully there’s plenty of pre-slaughtered meat that you can easily purchase. Fire up the grill and wrap a sheet around yourself.

2. Make A Bonfire

Some ancient European tribes jumped through fire to predict the year’s harvest. So light a sweet bonfire and make some predictions of your own, like betting with friends on who’ll win the next game in the Stanley Cup finals.

3. Wicker Man Festival

The ancient Celts burned giant statues of wood, supposedly with someone inside. We don’t want to advocate human sacrifice rituals, but Scotland has a Wickerman Festival in July. If you can’t make it, just enjoy this delightful scene from Nicolas Cage‘s film “The Wicker Man“:

4. Work On Your Beach Bod

Thousands of years ago, pagans built Stonehenge to align with the sun during the summer and winter solstices. To honor them and get back in shape, lift some giant heavy rocks in the middle of nowhere without any technology, except perhaps for alien spaceships.

5. Go To Florida

Modern pagans in Pahokee, Florida, are throwing a solstice celebration on the beach with fire and dancing. Some local pastors are protesting the festival, so consider this your big chance to dance barefoot in solidarity with some hot, Floridian Wiccan babes.

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a comedian and writer in New York.