6 Inventions That Allowed Chivalry To Die

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Credit: Stuart McClymont

They say chivalry is dead. Well, of course it is — technology has just made it too easy for us guys. Here are the time-saving gadgets that turned gentlemen into lazy sloths with zero class.

1. Revolving doors

The quintessential chivalrous guy move is holding open a door for a lovely lady. Then, revolving doors were invented. What to do now? Spin her through it like a top? (Actually, that sounds kinda fun.)

2. Car-lock key chains

For nearly a century, when taking a girl out for a ride in his wheels, a guy would unlock her door before unlocking his. Now, though, you can unlock both simultaneously. Convenient, but not chivalrous. Bleep bloop.

3. Online flower services

Nothing says chivalry like presenting the woman you love with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Long ago, that might have involved going to the garden to pick a batch. Just a decade ago, you would’ve visited a professional florist. Now? You punch in her address, your credit card info and click your mouse a few times. How romantic.

4. Cellphones

It used to be, if you wanted to ask a young woman out, you had to call her house and politely ask the person who answered the landline — usually her mother or father — if she was available. “Hello, Mrs. Johnson, may I speak with Stephanie?” Nowadays, though, every chick owns her own phone, so you don’t have to impress her parents with good manners.

5. Texting

Of course, who makes phone calls anymore? Instead of boldly dialing up a gal to ask her if she wants to join you at the movies, thus demonstrating your courage, now you simply message her: “u wanna go out 2nite?”

6. Vibrators

Modern technology has made life easier for guys, but progress can backfire. Now, if women don’t find us as chivalrous as they’d like, they have an invention of their own. And that buzzing little thing’s so much more polite to them than we’ll ever be.

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.