5 Ways To Convince Your Girlfriend To Watch Porn

watching porn with girlfriend
Credit: Don Mason

The sneaking around. The guilt. The fear of getting caught in the act. Sure, watching porn is fun, but wouldn’t it be a lot less stressful (and hotter) if your girlfriend would just watch it with you?

Actually, it may be easier than you think. Here are some simple ways to get her to join you in appreciating the adult cinematic arts.

1. Use Chick Flicks As A Gateway

Chances are, she’s already stimulating her imagination with viewing material; it’s just that her idea of a hot scene involves a scandalous affair between two British people in the 1800s. Sit down and watch a sexy love story like “Atonement” or “Unfaithful” with her, and put the moves on her as things heat up on screen.

Next, suggest a French movie like “Breathless,” which is basically porn with subtitles. If that seems like a crowd-pleaser, see how she’d feel about watching something a little racier for your next movie night.

2. Tell Her About James Deen

There’s a reason James Deen has risen to fame, and it’s not just his upcoming movie with Lindsay Lohan. Chicks enjoy watching him have sex because he’s more sensual and sensitive than your average male porn actor. (He also, of course, has sex with smoking-hot babes, which makes his stuff enjoyable for both genders.)

Tell your girlfriend that you heard about this guy who made a “Toy Story” porn parody, and let Woody’s woody do the work for you.

3. Make It About Her

The way to a woman’s heart is through her ego, so stroke that thing hard. Start off a conversation about how hot she is, and then ask her about her sexual fantasies. Tell her you want to fulfill some of her wildest ideas, and ask her to find a porn that demonstrates what she wants, so that you can watch it with her before acting it out in real life.

4. Go (Sex Toy) Shopping With Her

Girls love to shop, and they’re pretty big fans of vibrators, too. Combine your girlfriend’s passions by treating her with a trip to the adult toy store. Help her pick out a vibrator and choose another fun accessory together. While she’s feeling kinky and adventurous, throw in a DVD as an afterthought. It’s just like buying a pack of gum at the grocery store checkout aisle. Kind of.

5. Watch Porn As A “Joke”

The dialogue, the cartoonishly big breasts, the hilariously timed money shots — find a particularly ridiculous video and tell her she’s gotta watch this knee-slapper of a clip. After you guys ridicule it together, click on a few other links, just for s***s and giggles, and casually start touching her. If it seems far-fetched that this will work, remember that she originally started watching “The Bachelor” to make fun of it.

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand-up comic with good taste in bad ideas.