Advice On The Ladies From Three Musical Geniuses

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Photos: Getty Images/WireImage

At this year’s O Music Awards on June 19, three legends worthy of having their faces tattooed on your calf are up for the Analog Genius Award for using old technology in new ways. They are Neil Young, Beck and Jack White. (Daft Punk are also nominated, but we’re not ready to elevate them to portrait-tat status.)

In addition to groundbreaking work, all three of these guys are lyrical sages. Their songs contain as many nuggets of relationship advice as lurid drug references. Today, we focus on the former. Here are enlightening pieces of relationship advice that worked for them and might work for you. (International fame, otherworldly creativity and millions of dollars probably help, too.)

After a breakup, don’t be a baby. — Neil Young

From “When Your Lonely Heart Breaks”:

When your lonely heart breaks
Don’t sit counting your mistakes
Don’t be waiting
for love to come back
Don’t be wastin’ time

Get freaky. — Beck

From “Sex Laws”:

I want to defy
The logic of all sex laws
Let the handcuffs slip off your wrists
I’ll let you be my chaperone

Be nice to her mom. — Jack White

From “I Want To Be The Boy”:

I want to be the boy that warms your mother’s heart
I’m so scared to take you away

Expect the unexpected. — Neil Young

From “Lookin’ For A Love”:

I’ve been looking for a lover
But I haven’t met her yet
She’ll be nothing like
I pictured her to be

Watch out for weird girls. — Beck

From “Nightmare Hippy Girl”:

She’s a nightmare hippy girl
With her skinny fingers fondling my world

Don’t lead her on. — Jack White

From “A Martyr For My Love For You”:

I could stay a while
But sooner or later I’ll break your smile
And I can tell a joke
But one of these days I’m bound to choke
And we could share a kiss
But I feel like I can’t go through with this
And I bet we could build a home
But I know the right thing for me to do
Is to leave you alone

If you’re rich, maybe hire a maid. — Neil Young

From “A Man Needs A Maid”:

I was thinking that
maybe I’d get a maid
Find a place nearby
for her to stay.
Just someone
to keep my house clean,
Fix my meals and go away.

Don’t make breakups dramatic. — Beck

From “Peaches & Cream”:

You look good in that sweater
And that aluminum crutch
I’m gonna let you down easy
I’ve got a delicate touch

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Adam K. Raymond (@adamkraymond) is aware that middle initials are pretentious.