The Opponents’ Playbook: Girls Don’t Want A Whipped Man

condom first

A guy should make decisions based on all the data available, and “Girl Code” is a treasure trove of information. (Even if you make decisions based on all the tequila available, “Girl Code” is still a treasure trove of info.) Here are the lessons for guys from last night’s two episodes.

1. Girls Don’t Want You To Be Whipped

They might think they want a guy to dote on them hand and foot (“to be…a drone on the queen,” as Jessimae Peluso puts it), but they actually want a guy who stands up for himself. Tanisha Long says it’s a turnoff when a dude can’t be apart from her for five seconds, and Carly Aquilino is even blunter: “It’s nice to fight every once in a while — I just want you to tell me I’m a bitch, then I want to cry and then have sex.”

2. Keep Cool During A Pregnancy Scare

Easier said than done, of course, but the “Girl Code” gals concur that paranoia comes all too easily. Sore boobs are usually just sore boobs, not a symptom. So chill out unless your girl actually tests positive, at which point feel free to completely lose your s***.

3. If She’s Not On The Pill, You’re Wearing A Damn Condom

As Nicole Byer says, the biggest risks of sex are “herpes or a baby or gonorrhea or a baby or syphilis or a f***ing baby.” Unless your partner is on some other form of contraception — pill, patch, ring, shots — you’re wearing a rubber. Promising to pull out doesn’t work for two reasons: 1) girls know better, and 2) pulling out doesn’t work.

(Never mind Andrew Schulz: “I will always try to not use a condom — that’s biology, that’s not even my fault!”)

4. Don’t Take It Personally When A Girl Cancels

It sucks to get stood up on a date, and you’ll feel totally worthless, but you really shouldn’t. According to Nessa, “We cancel because we have mood swings, we found something else to do, because we’re lazy…” The reasons go on and on, including whether “The Bachelor” is on TV that night.

So if a girl backs out of dinner, relax and reschedule. However, Nessa adds, if she keeps canceling dates, then she might be hoping you’ll “get the point” eventually.

5. Don’t Let Your Dating Profile Cock-Block You

Online dating sites, Jeff Dye explains, are “like a bar where you don’t have to buy” any drinks. But just like at a real bar, first impressions matter. So don’t have any “red flags” in your description, which Shalyah Evans pinpoints as “bashing old girlfriends or saying anything bad about women in general.”

Also, don’t pose shirtless in your profile pic. Total douche move.

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