How To Date A Girl If You’re A Broke-Ass

Crisis Open Christmas Shelter
Credit: Bruno Vincent/Getty Images

The foundation of kickin’ a good game is playing up your strengths despite the odds. In the all-time Game Hall of Fame you’ll see a lot of guys making the most with very little. In these tough times, your pockets might not be overflowing with cash…but you can still show that chick you met at last week’s party a great time. Here are some tips on how to be a penniless pimp.

1. Ice cream dates

Is that Italian joint with $30 lasagna out of the question? No problem. Ice cream solves many problems, large and small. It’s inexpensive, there’s a ton of variety and it’s f***in’ delicious. Bonus points for ordering one large bowl with two spoons to increase the level of intimacy. And if you happen to meet a girl who doesn’t like ice cream, run the other way, friend. A girl who hates ice cream is not the type of girl you’ll enjoy being around.

2. Netflix

Instead of dropping an entire paycheck on movie tickets and popcorn (if you had a paycheck, we mean), stay at home and utilize that Netflix streaming account. Tear through an entire season of “Breaking Bad” or check out any number of modern classics. Quick tip: Be sure to clean your place before she comes over. A sloppy room means you were too lazy to clean and she might think you are also too lazy to get a job.

3. Learn to cook

Look, a man who knows how to cook is never a lonely man. This is not a scientifically proven fact (yet), but we’re almost positive its true. The best part is you don’t have to get too fancy in order to impress. Look up a recipe that only uses five ingredients and takes an hour to make. By the end of the night, you and your lady will be cooking up something more than a homemade meal.

4. Show her your scene

It’s a great time to be a starving artist, because you can reach so many people through the Internet, and there are tons of women who love a creative guy. Believe in what you do and she’ll feel the same passion without getting caught up in your bank statement. Introduce her to local underground music, comedy, painting, etc. Letting her into your world is a big show of trust and it doesn’t cost a cent.

5. Take it outside

Now that summer is here you have no excuse to stay cooped up indoors. A great date is a day in the park, whether it’s sunny or not. If you’re an athlete, kick around a soccer ball or get a good one-on-one hoops game going with her (full-contact, of course). If sports ain’t your thing, then lounge on the grass with an iPod playlist. Rain in the forecast? Even better. Would ya look at that, your clothes are drenched and maybe you should go back to your place to dry them off…

6. Gift freeze

Maybe you’ve already been dating someone for a bit. Naturally, you’d like to buy her some gifts. Our advice here: Keep them simple and within your range. You might have to think a little more creatively, but if you spring for the jewelry that’s out of your price range, you stand a good chance of having to outdo yourself the next time around. Keep her expectations and your bank account in check. Buy her what you can, not what you want.

7. Blame the economy

Maybe you’re between jobs. Maybe your employer just let you go. Whatever the case, she’s bound to understand this is a difficult time to be a decked-in-gold Romeo in a brand-new Porsche. Let her know you’re out there shaking hands, making connections, and in no time you’ll be back on top. For now, though, it’s off to the Baskin-Robbins.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.