Today’s Dumbass: Man Pocket-Dials 911 While Plotting Murder

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Credit: Broward Sheriff’s Office

When discussing illegal plans, it’s best to follow some basic protocol: Assure no law enforcement officers are nearby, check that the room isn’t bugged and see if anyone is wearing a wire. Also, make sure you haven’t just butt-dialed 911, thus allowing the police to listen in on your entire conversation.

That’s allegedly what happened to Florida man (surprise, surprise!) Scott Simon, who has been charged with first-degree murder after cops said they overheard him plotting to kill someone who later turned up dead.

Look, it’s tough out there for would-be murderers — fingerprint identification, DNA testing, society’s general disdain for murder — and communications technology isn’t making things any easier. Police can track your location via your cell. And though our phones are now “smart,” they aren’t smart enough to let us know when they’re landing us in jail.

Your best bet: Just leave the phone at home. Or, better yet, don’t murder anyone.

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Mike Pomranz (@pomranz) is a comedian who has never been arrested for murder.