Don’t Be That Guy Who Trips On Stage At Graduation

trip gif

Graduation ceremonies are painfully boring. Remember what it was like, as a kid, to be trapped in front of a TV playing the news? A graduation is like that, but with ill-fitting robes.

That butt-numbing boredom inevitably inspires people to try spicing up the affair. Often, they’ll make bad inside jokes that only half the crowd gets…while friends and family wish for an even bigger asteroid to strike the stage. But even inside (more like insipid) jokes aren’t as bad as the worst thing that can befall a graduation ceremony: Someone pretending to trip as he accepts his diploma.

We used the male pronoun because it’s almost always a guy who pulls this stunt. And it’s almost always the guy who wants everyone to think he’s the reincarnation of Groucho Marx. He’s probably going off to film school. Or worse, theater school. And while his intentions are noble, his actions couldn’t be worse.

There’s nothing more cliche than pretending to trip while walking across stage. It’s the go-to move of someone who thinks he’s above the ceremony but isn’t clever enough to be creative. Which brings us to the main piece of advice we’re trying to impart here: Don’t be that guy. No one thinks that guy is funny. That guy sucks.

If your goal is to make graduation seem less like a funeral, go for it. Just be original. Put a Super Soaker filled with hot sauce under your robe and drench the crowd. Or strip naked as you walk across stage, revealing dozens of hot dogs tied to your body, so no one knows which one is your penis. Or better yet, think of something yourself.

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Adam K. Raymond (@adamkraymond) is aware that middle initials are pretentious.