Today’s Dumbass: Guy Hides In Supermarket, Eats Himself Extra Stupid

trevor runyon
Bullitt County Detention Center

The problem with grocery stores, really, is that you can’t eat and sleep and defecate on yourself in them. Why not make supermarkets more like nurseries?

Perhaps someday they will be, thanks to 30-year-old Sam Walton-esque visionary Trevor Runyon, whom police accuse of sneaking into a ValuMarket near Louisville, Kentucky around closing time…and then cooking a half-dozen steaks, in addition to devouring 57 cans of whipped cream, plus shrimp and birthday cake. And beer, obviously.

At some point, Runyon allegedly “went to bathroom on himself and got clothes to change into,” and then “climbed into the rafters and went to sleep,” according to a local NBC affiliate. Firefighters got him down from the ceiling, which must’ve been tough considering the approximately 5,000 pounds we’re guessing he put on overnight.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog