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“Girl Code” discusses masturbation tonight, so we’re jumping in.
Even a celibate monk could come up with a laundry list of terms for male masturbation. But even though females masturbate too (though, surely not as much as us), oddly there are very few mainstream slang terms for this glorious act. Let’s change that, guys, and let girls know it’s perfectly fine if they…
1. Diddle yourself
Amongst a sea of crass terms for the act, this is the most pleasant. Why, it almost sounds like something your grandma would’ve said back when she was young diddler!
2. Flick the bean
A term so casual, how can it possibly be wrong? Though, we know if we ever called their clitoris a “bean,” they’d murder us.
3. Rub one out
This might be a unisex term, but let’s give it fully to the ladies. Us guys may yank it, crank it, pull it and tug it, but we never rub it.
4. Jill off
Jack and Jill went up a hill…alone. If we can jack it, they can jill it.
5. Feed the bearded clam
A funny one, sure, but probably an anachronistic one nowadays. Who doesn’t visit the clam waxer?
6. Beat around the bush
It’s kinda like “beat off,” applied to an old-fashioned idiom.
7. Dip the digits
Take your fingers for a relaxing swim in the pool.
8. Taco time
We can’t imagine any woman saying this, but hey, everybody loves tacos. We’ll never call lube “guacamole” though.
9. Air out the orchid
Each woman is a special flower. And, so is her…uh, special flower. Water it, provide it with nutrients and make sure it gets some fresh air occasionally.
10. Touch yourself
This G-rated term still manages to say it all. Plus, it gave us the most famous song about female masturbation ever. (Perhaps the only one?)
BONUS: Pearl diving
Pearls are classy. And, so are you, girls. Don’t be ashamed to dive for ‘em.
+ For more on masturbation, watch “Girl Code” tonight at 10:30/9:30c on MTV