5 Things Guys Do When Girls Friend Us On Facebook

facebook bikini
Photo: lolvirgin

It’s always exciting to get a Facebook friend request, especially from a girl. She might be looking for friendship, but we’ve only got one thing on our minds. And we’ve also got a little routine–a checklist, really–whenever we click “Accept.”

1. Check profile pic to see if she’s hot

Maybe she’s a friend-of-a-friend you’ve never met, or maybe you met her in a bar and can’t trust your judgment at the time. So you investigate. Her cover photo is some stupid landscape and her profile pic is a selfie too small to really tell. You enlarge it–oh, yeah, she’s cute. You accept!

2. Search through her photo albums for bikini shots

The TV shows she likes (“True Blood,” obviously), the online games she’s playing, the brunch spots she’s checking into…who gives a f***?!  We want to find some semi-scandalous bikini pics!

Even though she has several dozen albums and several thousand mobile uploads, we’re going to find that one bikini photo in this haystack. To speed up this potentially arduous process, a good bet is to just open any albums labeled “Vacation,” “Summer” or “Cancun!!!!” If only there were an app to do this dirty work for us…

3. Check out her relationship status

You’ve determined she’s female and attractive, but now it’s time for a possible reality jolt: Is she available? Unlike guys who proudly list themselves as “Single,” girls almost never do; they’ll just specify nothing. But if she’s, ugh, “In a relationship,” that might be the end of this social networking experiment.

Though, before you ignore her request, you should at least click on her boyfriend’s page to see how big of a tool he is and whether you could possibly out-class him.

4. Browse through her (hot?) friends

No matter whether she’s single or attached, it’s only natural for us to check if she has any hotter friends and repeat steps 1-3 with them. If she belonged to a sorority at an SEC school, we might be in front of the computer all day.

5. Invite her to socially network…in person

She’s female, attractive, struts around in bikinis, has attractive gal pals and wants to be your friend…it’s time to turn this online friendship into an offline one. A poke ain’t gonna cut it.

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

+ For more on social networking, watch “Girl Code” tonight at 10:30/9:30c on MTV

Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.